hadriel | duel 11. video (cw: death or dying)

「It's been a while since he's made a video post in which he looks actually serious, he doesn't look sad for a change, just thoughtful.

When he finally speaks he does it uncharacteristically (for him) quietly, even though, firm.」

How do you deal with loss?

When people leave this place or, when you know you will never see someone you care for again?
When they pass away.
Do you try to forget about them... or... 「No, that thought actually hurts.」

What is that helps you to move on?

「If they do at all.

This has been in his mind ever since Maedhros and Celebrimbor were gone, and even way before. He didn't knew them personally, but he could see how much pain their departure had caused — only one person had made him feel that way, but it wasn't Yugi who left, it was him. Atem left them all and he cannot help but wonder, was he the cause of grief among his loved ones, the ones that survived him when he decided to give up his life, and then when he had to move on from the world of the living a second time?

He doesn't wish to think so highly of himself, but it's hard, specially when all his life the world did use to revolve around him. But he worries about those he left behind, they would be fine, wouldn't they? Heh, if only they knew he hasn't moved on at all, that he still talks to his partner in his head all the time... What a little hypocrite.」

「private text: Kaiba Seto」

Mokuba is gone.

「But Atem is sure he already knows. He doesn't expect a reply.」

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「He gives her a little shrug.」

What do you wanna do?

That is not up to me.

[Except for the fact that a good chunk of it actually is, but what does she care?]

Well... no, but he's gonna let himself die.

「That much anyone can see.」

But that's not what I asked you.

So he says.

[But actually allowing that to happen will be another story, Ravine knows. Carlisle is not quite the dying animal ready to accept its fate just yet.]

He is not so prepared to allow himself to expire as he claims to be. That will change.

「Atem gives her a hint of a smile. Somehow he didn't think it was his time yet... he can at least hope so.」

Will you help him, given the chance?

Of course. I would never allow a soul to suffer and perish before its time.

[With shades, it's one thing. She can't help every one of them. But Carlisle is something different -- more like an "in-between" shade, still alive. It's a complicated situation, but perhaps not one that would do as much harm as she had feared. Atem is proof of that when she sealed the wound she had given him as a Shedim.]

「It's just what he was expecting to hear.」

And I said... you do you.

「He still fears for her, of course. His wound was small, and it took its toll on her, he doesn't want to imagine what Carlisle's would do to her. He truly doesn't want to.」

Can I help you, in some way?

「It's not that easy, of course, the answer is easy to predict, but he will do what he always does anyway.」

Not as of the moment. However, should that change, you will be the first to know. You have been a great deal of help as is.

[Knowing how powerless he feels in situations like these, Ravine would he remiss to write Atem off entirely.]

Don't patronise me, Ravine.

「She's coddling him, he earned that by pulse, surely. But his tone isn't one of an offended person, he knows his limitations in this place, she better than most knows how useless he's become in comparison of who he used to be and what he would become, as unaware as he might be of it.」

Thanks, for thinking about me anyway.

「He could at least get prepared for it. How does one prepare themselves to the possibilities of losing a friend to their duty? Oh, that's rich, coming from him...」

You truly do not believe me? I daresay, Atem, I take offense to that! Would I ever lie to you?

[Despite what she's saying, there is a smile on her face that does not lie, either.]

The truth is, you are my friend, and for that you are more a help to me than you may ever know. Reapers such as myself... Our very existence is held together by our own stability, and that can easily be thrown out of balance by mental or emotional duress. In that respect, it is often better to push others away than to subject ourselves to the inevitable pain and loss. But I have found that is not the only way. Elizabeth taught me that.

[It's probably the more words than she usually says, and a lot more sentimentality than Atem is used to hearing. But she isn't going to let him brush her off just like that. That isn't fair to either of them.]

Edited 2018-09-06 08:55 (UTC)

「Oh.

Welp, he's probably blushing now. No, of course he is. So he's helping her just by being her friend? There certainly is something melancholic about that, he can't help but think of Yugi and how he adamantly thought that his wish had become true when he put the the Millennium Puzzle together, his wish of having friends. But the truth is that Atem never did anything about that, it was all Yugi; somehow this doesn't feel as different.

It is definitely more than he was ever expecting to hear from her. It's easy to see.」

I... Sorry...

「What, as a friend, could he do then? Be there, of course, just be there. He didn't have to do anything grandiose or say anything groundbreaking.」

[In this case, Ravine would swiftly argue that Atem has done more than just give her friends. This time, it's all him, no one else, and she wouldn't replace that for anything. But she's already said enough to abash him, which is more than she would usually speak for such a result.]

What is it you are apologizing for? It is not necessary -- you are enough. Should that change, you will be the first to be made aware.

I don't... 「know? No, he knows. He gives her a little nod.」 Um, I'm sorry for having doubted you.

「To think that just a few years ago he would have never, ever, doubted any of his friends. ~~Shadi had tried to make him doubt of Jounochi's friendship and not even he succeeded.~~ A reminder is not unwelcome, but it does make him wonder again how much this place had been affecting him. Was it really the place, though? He's not sure but he needs to change that.」

Thank you, Ravine.

「He's enough...」

There is no need to thank me. I presume this works both ways.

Still, I am grateful.

[No matter what happens, or where she goes in the end, that fact will never change.]

duel 11. video (cw: death or dying)

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