hadriel | duel 11. video (cw: death or dying)

「It's been a while since he's made a video post in which he looks actually serious, he doesn't look sad for a change, just thoughtful.

When he finally speaks he does it uncharacteristically (for him) quietly, even though, firm.」

How do you deal with loss?

When people leave this place or, when you know you will never see someone you care for again?
When they pass away.
Do you try to forget about them... or... 「No, that thought actually hurts.」

What is that helps you to move on?

「If they do at all.

This has been in his mind ever since Maedhros and Celebrimbor were gone, and even way before. He didn't knew them personally, but he could see how much pain their departure had caused — only one person had made him feel that way, but it wasn't Yugi who left, it was him. Atem left them all and he cannot help but wonder, was he the cause of grief among his loved ones, the ones that survived him when he decided to give up his life, and then when he had to move on from the world of the living a second time?

He doesn't wish to think so highly of himself, but it's hard, specially when all his life the world did use to revolve around him. But he worries about those he left behind, they would be fine, wouldn't they? Heh, if only they knew he hasn't moved on at all, that he still talks to his partner in his head all the time... What a little hypocrite.」

「private text: Kaiba Seto」

Mokuba is gone.

「But Atem is sure he already knows. He doesn't expect a reply.」

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There is no easy way to do so, I think. Nor any one way that is true for everyone. And in honesty, I cannot say that I am the best person to speak of moving on.

But one moves forwards, as best one can. That is all that one can do, at times.

「Oh-- Upon seeing who it is, Atem seems to shrink a little bit, as if he had swallowed all of his pride all sudden. He was there enough to know how badly the elves took the last disappearances.」

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... remind you more of this.

「He admits, but it was also that particular moment which brought this up.」

... That sounds like someone I know would say.

「Go forward, not back, never back. But what does it entail? Leaving the memories behind as well?」

[ Maglor shakes his head with a tired smile ]

Nay! Do not apologize! You meant no harm by it, and it is a fair question. You are Sansa's friend, are you not? And my brother Curufin's. Atem, wasn't it? Then you know our grief well, and I promise, I mind not the question.

Was it someone you knew well?

「He meant no harm, alright, but also, he's being so damn selfish. It brings him no joy.」

That's me. 「Even though they had truly just met, Sansa is incredibly kind, he'd already consider her a friend by now, yeah. Curufin, tho, he has been there for him for a long time now.」

Yes, that's what I'd like to think anyway. He's here even, well, not quite, he left to retrieve the Door fragments; if he were he would probably telling me to move the hell up already.

「But he knows Kaiba will not bother with the network because he might be busy anyway. And Atem says that with a little smirk, it would in fact not be unwelcomed.」

I would say, 'well met', Atem - but tis not exactly the best of meetings, eh? Maglor, at your service. For my pains, Curufin is my younger brother. [ He sounds very fondly wry ] I hope he doesn't annoy you too much.

Ah! A friend who is not afraid to tell you the hard things is an invaluable one. I am glad you have each other here.

My folk do not... forget. It is not within us to do so, for the hurts and joys of yesterday are felt as keenly as those of today. But we grew terribly efficient at loss, in Beleriand long ago, although the pain never gets easier to bear.

「He knows, his name, the relationship with Curufin, but still, Atem gives him a hearty nod.」

I'm afraid it is me who annoys him the most. 「He says with just a slight sheepishness in his voice. His words made him wonder if elves suffered a little more when they were meant to live for so, so long. He will not ask, of course.」

I suppose no matter the race, it never really gets easier.

[ Maglor smiles at that ]

I'm sure you only remind him of his - our, youngest brothers when you do. He likes having company, so I'm glad he's made friends here.

[ He shrugs a little, with a wry sad little smile ]

I think not. Loss is still loss, after all. We have... several songs of lamntation that we sing - we are a folk of song still, in many ways. That's how we remember people, mostly. In song and tale.

If your younger brother was a pain in the ass, yeah, sounds about right. 「Take it all in good mood.」

I hope your songs reach them, even from this forsaken place. 「It's something he has to believe in himself, that his Gods can hear his prayers, that he and others aren't truly disconnected from their worlds, that they exist and haven't been forgotten.」

Are not all younger brothers? [ Maglor retorts wryly ] And I say that as one who is both!

[ Although not any more, and he falters briefly ]

I hope so. At least they know how much I... we, love them.

Wouldn't know, I don't-- 「He stops himself right there, he, in a way, did have even more than one sibling, by choice more than by blood (and he was always the younger one anyway...). But it's not quite the time to speak of that.」

Until you meet them again.

「He brought this shadow of pain over him, he'll do and say all he can to make him feel, even a little better. But what can he possibly do if he doesn't know what to do with himself?」

[ But I won't, he wants to cry out, for his brothers are dead and damned and he cannot go home again, but Atem doesn't deserve that grief, so Maglor only smiles ]

Thank you.

[ He says softly ]

You are very kind.

「But he's not, he's not kind, he's the worst. Making others relive their pain to soothe his own. No wonder why he's stuck in this hellhole. This was a terrible idea. He should tell him, but he's afraid he'd change what he thinks of him, he's... not ready to lose another friend.」

If you say so...

I do. [ Maglor smiles at him, and it almost reaches his eyes ]

Did you not tell me you looked after that little creature for no reason than that she was alone? You have a good heart, Atem.

「Don't kick a man when he's down! But Atem keeps silent, he saves that guilt for another day, maybe when things aren't as fresh any longer. But heh, by the responses he's been getting, he's not sure when that'll be. He'll make it up to him.」

Since I cannot convince you otherwise... Thanks.

[ Atem has nothign to make up for! ]

You are welcome, youngling. You've been very good to my family, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

「Youngling! That's... cute, a little embarrassing too but he's not going to complain.」

You're good people. Your family and you, I'm sorry you're stuck in this place. Anything you need, don't hesitate to ask.

[ More than half of Hadriel are 'younglings' to him, but he tries to remember not to use it too often ]

We're not really. [ Maglor smiles a little sadly ] But thank you for saying so. And I will remember - the same offer extends to you, eh?

「None of them are good people here it seems! But he won't push it, alright. He gives him a little nod.」

Of course, you have my thanks.

As you have mine, Atem. Go safely, and go well! And if you ever wish someone to talk to - just come by. The wards know you now, and should not fuss.