video;

[deviledlegs]

Hey, all you heavenly angels and cocky asshats! Consider this your very first public service announcement on behalf of everyone's favorite pirate cook, Sanji.

[There he is, blowing cigarette smoke at his phone's camera with that shit-eating grin. All is well, or so it seems.]

I need food wrapping paper and air-tight containers. A shit ton of them.

Each and every lovely lady who has the generosity to go out of her way and deliver some to me will go home with any dish her heart desires so long as I have the ingredients! You other bastards can just be grateful knowing you might not actually starve later.

[He wiggles his fingers in a rather silly goodbye gesture.]

Ciao!

Comments

[deviledlegs]

If I wanted to endear myself to anyone, I wouldn't have become a pirate.

[He laughs. Sure, it's a joke; it's meant to be funny. But he's dead serious. The fact that he's serious is kind of funny too.]

But yes! I've already had the pleasure of greeting two stellar ladies who raised their phones just to chat with me! Truly, I am a blessed man of charm and charisma!

[such_a_teez]

True enough. There are less endearing fields, certainly, but not many with quite the reputation attached to them as piracy.

[Tyki blinks, and then laughs when Sanji says he's met a couple stellar ladies. Especially in the way he says it. The girls of Hadriel must be desperate indeed. Or just kind.

Or hungry. He supposes that can't hurt.] I suppose that means a good deal, doesn't it? [Oh, Sanji. If lifting a phone is all it takes to make him feel charming and charismatic...]

[deviledlegs]

If you can't be famous, might as well be infamous! [He ribs himself easily enough. He even winks to sell it.] Turns out the ladies love that too.

[such_a_teez]

That's the spirit. Besides, infamy does have it's perks. [Okay, Tyki's opinion of him is changing a bit. Sanji has a sort of charm about him, and a decent sense of humor. He can't be too bad.] There's been many a poorly written bodice-ripper to attest to that claim.

[deviledlegs]

I would argue that any bodice-ripper that succeeds in ripping bodices is the best damn piece of literature on this entire shitty planet. Though I'd rather do the ripping myself.

[such_a_teez]

I'm sure you would. Perhaps one of those lovely air tight container goddesses would be interested in that. [Doubtful, but who is Tyki to say it's impossible? He can cook, after all. And he's a pirate. That's two very strong traits in his favor.]

[deviledlegs]

I WOULD GLADLY OFFER IN A HEARTBEAT!

[Alas, they both know that's never going to happen. The tragedy of it all. He may be the best damn chef on the high seas, but he's hardly boyfriend material. This passionate lament is proof.]

TO LIVE FOR THAT AND THAT ALONE WOULD FULFILL EVEN THE HARDEST AND CRUELEST OF HEARTS! A TRUE PRISON OF ECSTASY FOR WHICH ALL MEN STRIVE!

[such_a_teez]

Why don't you? I'm sure the girls here are lonely. [He also might just like stirring up stuff to cause trouble. And Sanji is the most fun he's had here in ages.] A pirate that can cook? Surely they'll be lining up.

[deviledlegs]

Food comes first! Service second.

[He is very. serious. about that, despite a knowing smile. Of course, after his declaration, it's hard to take anything he says seriously.]

[such_a_teez]

A man has to be dedicated. I'm sure they'll wait with bated breath. [It is hard to take him seriously, but Tyki will fake it just to keep him talking. Sanji is a blast and he's worth being pleasant to for the sole purpose alone of amusement.]

[deviledlegs]

You think?

[He leans in and strokes his stubble conspiratorially as he considers this. Sure, he waits with baited breath for every woman within his sights, but as much as he talks big, circumstances are rarely the other way around. Just imagining a harem of Hadriel ladies waiting for a taste of what he's got cooking... It makes his mouth water.]

I'd be sure to give each of them the attention they deserve! I have more than enough lady love to go around!

[such_a_teez]

Of course.

[Oh, Tyki will pay for his date if he actually gets a girl to pay attention to him. He's not horrible looking, and he's got a lot going for him, but every time he opens his mouth it's like he's pushing out an aura of chastity. He's hilarious, but it'd take a special girl to actually be with him, unless Tyki is vastly mistaken.

It wouldn't be the first time that's happened though.]

You'll have to form a queue. There's a lot in the way of eligible bachelorettes in the city, after all.

[deviledlegs]

There are, aren't there?!

[Aaah, just thinking about all the gorgeous ladies he's seen since he arrived... There are so many, and they all have their own unique, delicious flare!

Gotta catch 'em all!]

You've inspired me, good sir! Every flower on these islands will know I gladly offer these services by the end of the night! Help me spread the word!

[such_a_teez]

[This is beyond fun.] Good luck and god speed. There are a whole host of beauties in need, I'll spread the word my friend.

[deviledlegs]

Truly, you are a wing man for the ages!

[such_a_teez]

I do my best. [Tyki grins.] Enough of this talk, you've got work to do. [There's a wave goodbye, and the video ends.]