VOICE ; forward dated to the 23rd, late evening

[itsnotaonesie]

Hey everyone, this is Peter. I'm, uh... Just lemmie-- Okay, I'm gonna preface this with "I'm fine", which... probably still sounds concerning to anyone who knows me. Uh, with good reason, but I promise that I really am fine.

Okay? Okay.

So... okay, you know those freaky tentacle snails that attacked those guys a little while ago? Yeah, they're still around. I ran into a few of them outside the city, and by 'ran into' I mean 'was totally ambushed by'. Like, I was just minding my own business and they jumped out all "Blahhhhgh!" and I was like "oh snap!!", so yeah, we fought a little and I got bit and, y'know, it hurt. And I know the one guy was all "hey call for back up if you see any" and I totally would have if I'd had a chance, but I didn't? I mean, not because I didn't want to, it's just like, in the moment I was a little distracted by trying to get away from the things, and I didn't have my web shooters on me because they're possessed by demons right now? So I wasn't gonna even try to catch one of those guys without my gear, so I left. My toothbrush tried to stab me this morning, I'm not dealin' with this on top of that today. I'm done, I'm tapping out!

Anyway, if anyone else ends up fighting these guys, go for the eyes if you can. They're kind of hard to hit because of all the tentacles, but if you can take their eyes out it slows them down. They're still dangerous, though, like, they will absolutely still try to fight you, so just like, don't stick around if you can help it. In fact, just don't go outside the city by yourself. Don't go anywhere by yourself. Y'know, buddy system up if you can. I don't know how many of these dudes are still out there, but I have a feeling that they're not going away any time soon.

Oh right, I did manage to break a chunk off one of their shells. I don't know how helpful that's gonna be? But I've got it at the lab if anyone wants to see it, assuming you can pry it away from Newt. I also got a photo! It's... not a very good one, but uh, I'll put this somewhere, I guess.

[attached photo: A City Boy Seconds Before Being Chomped By A Tentacle Monster.]

Comments

OH Y'KNOW, GETTIN READY FOR WORK, ALL THAT FUN SHIT

[itsnotaonesie]

I was jus-- I mean yeah, I know?

[I'll not feel half so good YOU in a minute!!!

in fact you know what, he's just going to have himself a teenager moment and not give this dude a straight answer, if only because he decided to roll in flinging all the fuckwords at him.]

Old enough to know better, young enough to get away with it.

[such rebel, much disrespect.]

[murderpotato]

God fuckin’ dammit, you’re another dumb fuckin’ teenager, ain’t you.

[Another dumb kid, this time with spandex. It’s like he’s playing superhero or something, like how Wade did with his weird murder suit thing. Why the fuck do people want to put on tight bodysuits and fight crime? Or... tentacle monsters, in this case?]

Jesus, kid, quit pickin’ fights with the tentacle aliens.

[itsnotaonesie]

[EXCUSE YOU SIR, LANGUAGE]

Hey, I didn't start anything! They're the ones that came at me!

[murderpotato]

[YOU’RE FROM NEW YORK, YOU HEAR WORSE ON EVERY STREET CORNER.]

That’s why you fuckin’ run, you don’t stick around and get selfies with it like a fuckin’ jackass. Christ, you’re runnin’ around in spandex, not fuckin’ kevlar.

[itsnotaonesie]

[Yeah okay you got me there. Assclown.]

I was in the process of running! It's a retreat selfie. I punched it, broke it's thing, and ran while taking a selfie.

[COME AT ME]

[murderpotato]

[There’s that friendly New York demeanor.]

I hate that you’re making me say this, but you need to learn to fuckin’ prioritize.

[itsnotaonesie]

[Don't you New York shame him!]

D- bro! Like, I get it, okay! The selfie wasn't necessary, totally get that, but there is nothing wrong with my priorities! I knew what I was doing!

[murderpotato]

That really ain’t helpin’ your case.

[Because all that means is that Peter knew it was a dumb idea and did it anyway, like an asshole. Not something that inspires confidence.]

You got the fuckin’ impulse control of a toddler. What’s next, tryin’ to make friends with the tentacle motherfuckers? Somebody oughtta put you on a leash.

[itsnotaonesie]

[Not like an asshole, like a guy who knows that he can bench press a moose.]

Oh my God, I already said I know it was dumb. What more do you want from me? Who even are you!?

[murderpotato]

[Hey, Gren can bench press a moose too and you don't... oh, wait. Never mind, he's always acting like an asshole. Carry on.]

The guy who's fuckin' yellin' at you for bein' dumb, I guess.

[Wow, why is he being the Reasonable Adult in this situation? He doesn't like it.]

[itsnotaonesie]

[what about FIVE MOOSE but yeah def an asshole look at you GO]

Okay? Cool? Go ahead and get it out of your system, I guess. I'll wait.

[WHAT PART OF THIS IS REASONABLE]

[murderpotato]

[Maybe even five moosen.]

Nah, I think I'm done. You're a fuckin' idiot, whatever, try not to get your dumb ass killed, I guess. But even if you do, the fuckin' asshat gods'll just bring you back, so fuck it, go off.

[itsnotaonesie]

[What about a FLOCK of moosen???]

I mean, are you sure you're done? You sure you don't have any more aggressively worded little nuggets of wisdom you wanna slap me upside the head with?

[murderpotato]

What, do you want me to keep goin'? Like, I guess I could, but that's a fuckin' weird thing to ask for.

[Are you okay, kid. Do you have some weird psychological thing where you need to have an old dude yell at you? Weird. Don't tell him about that shit.]

[itsnotaonesie]

...It's sarcasm, dude.

[Give the kid a break he just got chomped by the Squidbillies and now your old ass is all up in here doing old guy shit LIKE GODDAMN]

[murderpotato]

And I'm fuckin' with you.

[Yes, okay, he knows that you don't actually want him to yell at you more. But clearly someone needs to yell at you because you do dumbass shit like this.]

All right, kid, whatever. I just don't wanna be scrapin' your spandex-covered ass off of the ground once you get fucked up by the monster of the fuckin' week.

[itsnotaonesie]

[You can almost HEAR the eyeroll]

Sure, that's fair. So what part of New York are you from? Because I'm getting some serious disgruntled New Yorker vibes from you.