VOICE ; forward dated to the 23rd, late evening

[itsnotaonesie]

Hey everyone, this is Peter. I'm, uh... Just lemmie-- Okay, I'm gonna preface this with "I'm fine", which... probably still sounds concerning to anyone who knows me. Uh, with good reason, but I promise that I really am fine.

Okay? Okay.

So... okay, you know those freaky tentacle snails that attacked those guys a little while ago? Yeah, they're still around. I ran into a few of them outside the city, and by 'ran into' I mean 'was totally ambushed by'. Like, I was just minding my own business and they jumped out all "Blahhhhgh!" and I was like "oh snap!!", so yeah, we fought a little and I got bit and, y'know, it hurt. And I know the one guy was all "hey call for back up if you see any" and I totally would have if I'd had a chance, but I didn't? I mean, not because I didn't want to, it's just like, in the moment I was a little distracted by trying to get away from the things, and I didn't have my web shooters on me because they're possessed by demons right now? So I wasn't gonna even try to catch one of those guys without my gear, so I left. My toothbrush tried to stab me this morning, I'm not dealin' with this on top of that today. I'm done, I'm tapping out!

Anyway, if anyone else ends up fighting these guys, go for the eyes if you can. They're kind of hard to hit because of all the tentacles, but if you can take their eyes out it slows them down. They're still dangerous, though, like, they will absolutely still try to fight you, so just like, don't stick around if you can help it. In fact, just don't go outside the city by yourself. Don't go anywhere by yourself. Y'know, buddy system up if you can. I don't know how many of these dudes are still out there, but I have a feeling that they're not going away any time soon.

Oh right, I did manage to break a chunk off one of their shells. I don't know how helpful that's gonna be? But I've got it at the lab if anyone wants to see it, assuming you can pry it away from Newt. I also got a photo! It's... not a very good one, but uh, I'll put this somewhere, I guess.

[attached photo: A City Boy Seconds Before Being Chomped By A Tentacle Monster.]

Comments

[theweakhavepurpose]

Even if you had, taking a selfie right before you're about to be eaten by a tentacle monster wouldn't have been doing it any favors.

It's not all bad, at least you're warning people about the danger?

[Look he's trying to see the silver lining here. It's hard.]

[itsnotaonesie]

Hey, I'm putting my mistakes on display so that other people can learn from them. Better than them going out and figuring it all out the hard way, right?

[There, BOOM, silver lining]

[theweakhavepurpose]

[ Well done. ]

What if everyone tries to take dangerous monster selfies to try and outdo yours?

[itsnotaonesie]

Hm...

If they're old enough to know better, and they choose to ignore my warnings and go out and get eaten, that's it's on them. If it's some kid doing it, then it's on me.

[theweakhavepurpose]

Why are you seriously the most responsible and level headed person here?

[With great power..]

I think you're in the clear, I haven't seen that many little kids here.

[itsnotaonesie]

[COMES GREAT ACCOUNTABILITY wait no not that]

I-- well, I have my bad moments, too.

[you SAW the selfie bro]

There's Angus, but I think that kid's literally a genius, so I don't see him rushing out to get munched by Squidbillies.

[theweakhavepurpose]

We have a ton of super smart people and half of them have magical powers. Why are we even still here?

[ Someone should have figured this shit out by now. ]

[itsnotaonesie]

We still only have so much to work with. Just because someone can shoot fireballs out of their eyeballs doesn't mean they can work miracles.

[Peter is frustrated that he hasn't!!]

[theweakhavepurpose]

Fair.

But that would be super useful against these tentacle things, so if you know someone who can shoot fireballs out of their eyes, let 'em know we could use an assist.

[itsnotaonesie]

Maybe not out of their eyeballs, but yeah. I'll keep that in mind.

[theweakhavepurpose]

I kind of hope out of their hands, but either way that sounds massively uncomfortable.

[itsnotaonesie]

Angus used a stick, actually. Like, a magic fairy wand or something. Either way like, yeah, no eyeballs please.

[theweakhavepurpose]

Wait like.. an actual wizard from a movie or something?

[itsnotaonesie]

Yeah, it was straight up some legit Harry Potter stuff. Only like a million times cooler.

[theweakhavepurpose]

All I've been able to do is make a rock glow.

[But considering he's a normal human from Montana that's still pretty impressive.]

So maybe this guy can magic away the monsters and we all live happily ever after?

[itsnotaonesie]

[i mean Peter's impressed]

Hey, that's more than I can do. You glow that rock, dude.

He's like... maybe eleven? I mean, I dunno, I can ask.

[theweakhavepurpose]

It's probably the coolest thing I've ever done in my life honestly.

Okay fine. Maybe he won't save the world, but it was worth a try.

[itsnotaonesie]

You have got to show me some time.

And I dunno, maybe some day he'll be shooting fireballs and blowing all the Null and stuff up by himself. Maybe.

[theweakhavepurpose]

Sure. Maybe when the stuff I planted doesn't look like a bedraggled mess. Eventually I'll have some berries though. If I die after eating them, then we all know they were poisonous.

[Pratt is helping, in his own small way.]

Though all these super powered people and magicians and future soldiers make normal humans like me feel a little weak and worthless.

[itsnotaonesie]

Don't eat poison berries. Dooon't.

[He likes you pratt he needs you to not die okay]

Come on, just because someone can't shoot rockets out of their nostrils doesn't make them weak or worthless. We've all got something we can bring to the table.

[theweakhavepurpose]

Well I won't know if they're poisonous if I don't eat them.

[That's just science Peter. Aren't you a scientist?]

Yeah yeah, I know.

[He's being cheered up by a teenager. This is NOT how things are supposed to go.]

And not all of us can bring death defying selfies of horrible monsters. We all have our purpose.

[itsnotaonesie]

Yeah, but if they are poisonous, then you'll be poisoned and nobody wins.

[Yes it's science but also DON'T GET POISONED

and look this is just what it means to be friends with Peter Parker. Cheer up, dammit.]

Nobody should be bringing death defying selfies of horrible monsters buuuuut sometimes I maybe don't make the best or safest choices? But you're right, that's what I'm saying. We've all got something we can contribute. Like, even if it doesn't seem like a big thing now, it can be huge somewhere down the line.

[theweakhavepurpose]

The people who now know not to eat them win.

[ he's eating the damn berries Peter.]

Alright alright, good pep talk. Don't use all your encouraging words set to inspiring music now, you'll need them if we actually get invaded by these things.

[itsnotaonesie]

Damn, I can't argue with that.

[You win THIS ROUND]

Did it work, though? Do you feel all like, pepped? Did I pep you?

[theweakhavepurpose]

Gee whiz I've never felt peppier.

[Said in the most monotone his gruff, raspy voice can do.]

It'd probably work on people who aren't me. I'm hard mode. New game plus.