video.

[kickingand]

[ Dean's got his device set up so that this isn't all Blair Witch Project (thank god) but he's got a jar of his own, which he's... gently shaking around a couple of fireflies in. Not like Sid and his toys or anything here, considering they're still alive, but he's cheerfully giving them a rock and roll. ]

I don't get the bug thing, I really don't--

[ After which he sets the jar down with a slight clatter, where the fireflies can finally carry on flitting about. ]

I mean, this is like crack to kids, right? Catching these things, watching 'em fly around? Never understood the appeal. [ Says the man with fireflies in a jar but he's curious okay, don't judge. ]

And then with the warm and fuzzies... I mean- C'mon. Never known a God to offer that up without some kinda hand being played.

Comments

text (done!)

[kickingand]

this isn't some fucked up practical joke?

text - omg Dean ... poor Dean

[retiredfromhell]

[ As he watches the text spam come in, Lucifer begins to smile. Oh this was amusing! ]

'Grand poobah'? Oh I like that, haven't heard it before. I might keep that one.

But to answer your question, yes! And very astute of you!! Usually I have to make the introduction and then sit through the whole 'were your parents joking'? spiel. It gets a bit tiresome after the first 100 times.

The answer is yes, by the way, Lucifer Morningstar and you would be?

text - HE'S SO CONFLICTED don't judge

[kickingand]

[ At least someone is entertained by his utter panic here. ]

dean winchester, you know, your biggest fan? [ Which is to say, why are you pretending you don't know him. ]

text - It's alright Dean, he leaves being 'judgy' to Dad

[retiredfromhell]

[ Well you have to admit, it was pretty entertaining. Were there any tables left to flip? ]

Dean Winchester ... Winchester ... I'm afraid it's not ringing a bell, and despite the volume I make it a point to always remember my delightful "fans".

[ Er yes, by 'fans' he means 'sexual partners'.]

text - whereas dean is judgey to everyone

[kickingand]

[ Look he will find all the tables, don't you worry.

... and wow if he knew that's what he'd just implied, he'd be having a mild coronary. So let's just go ahead and make everything worse, yes? ]

you really dont remember? im almost offended

This is going so badly ...

[retiredfromhell]

Look, perhaps you were the quiet one in the threesome? The screamers tend to make more of a lasting impression. Sorry.

[ Talking at cross purposes has never been more ... weird. ]

SHH NO IT'S GOING PERFECT (1/3??)

[kickingand]

[ The internal screaming that just occurred could probably be heard across the land, but Dean's just gaping at his phone right now in some kind of abject horror becuase that sure isn't what he meant. And still- considering all that's been thrown at him since he's arrival, he's starting to question a few thing about his life.

... No he's not. That's a lie. Because if he fucked Lucifer in another universe he's pretty sure it'd be too horrific to forget. ]

COME AGAIN did you really just

[kickingand]

try again.

yes ok done

[kickingand]

the threesome i had with you involved you me and the colt. and you nowhere near my ass.

[ Just the mental imagery, dear lord. ]

This doesn't deter him, just fyi

[retiredfromhell]

[ Okay, now he's just completely amused. ]

I've had threesomes like that, foursomes as well. Mazikeen loves a little slap with her tickle and sometimes you're just in the mood for the bite of gunpowder.

Sure you weren't just a quiet one?

making it so much worse forever

[kickingand]

[ Dean might be starting to get the drift right around now that he much, much prefers this Lucier to... his own? Is there really more than one Lucifer? Is that actually what's going on right now because he's certifiably uncomfortable with it.

Even if he had to get stuck with one, he'd probably prefer this guy. Maybe. ]

im never the quiet one

[retiredfromhell]

[ Careful Dean, you might not want to make him intrigued by you. Too bad Chloe isn't around to warn you about the dangers of that. ]

Well now. That is promising indeed. Do tell me more?

[ For Lucifer's part, he's unaware of the idea of another whole creation, with another version of himself. He's gotten comfortable with the idea that Hadriel is outside Yahweh's sphere of influence and he does have experience with different dimensions. Just not the idea of multiple, parallel dimensions.

For the moment ... you're not bad looking Dean and of a good height to, well ... fill in the blank. ]

[kickingand]

[ Oh c'mon, everyone is intrigued by Dean. It's a speciality of his - you either hate him or love him or are... fascinated by him? Okay, that's a little bit unlikely but it's a bad habit that he makes all the wrong people interested, at the very least. ]

what you want more details? favorite position, lights on or off?

[ Are you hitting on him. Is that a thing that's happening right now. Dean doesn't even know. But he sure as hell can't shut himself up, nooo... ]

[retiredfromhell]

[ Of course he's hitting on him.

Dean's cute, just the right height to ... well, let's not go there just yet and Lucifer is about as gender fluid as you could ask. Also watching Dean flail, albeit over text, is amusing as hell. ]

Oh the lights always stay on. I don't sleep with people if I won't enjoy watching them respond to what I do to them.

[kickingand]

[ QUIT IT!!!

He's already been questioning his own sexuality more than enough since his arrival, which was never something he wanted to begin with. Ever. Finding out he boned another dude in a different universe wasn't helpful at all and this is doing nothing for his already fragile sense of self.

This is just so terrible, so terrible. ]

thanks for that mental image, exactly what i was looking for

[ One day Dean will learn when to stop using sarcasm. Today is obviously not that day. ]

[retiredfromhell]

Really? Because if you want the real thing, just come on over.

[ Sometimes sarcasm goes right over Lucifer's head, usually because he's too distracted by his own opinion. Sometimes he deliberately ducks.

Sometimes it's a little bit of both. ]

[kickingand]

are you serious right now

[ He's being propositioned by Lucifer. The same guy that beat him into a near bloody pulp. There are not enough words in Dean's mental dictionary for how confused he is.

What. A. Day. ]

[retiredfromhell]

I'm always serious about sex. Not for the emotional things, that's a bunch of self inflected pain mortals put on themselves, but sex itself?

Lovely fun, great way to relieve stress and pass the time. Also, of the four little gods in residence here I mind Delight the least.

After all, she provides alcohol.

[ Priorities, Lucifer has them.

And tutt tutt Dean. A Lucifer beat you to a bloody pulp. This Lucifer has never met you. ]

1/4 again i should just apologize forever

[kickingand]

[ Ohhhh boy, here we go. Cue internal melting point, that one that's been threatening to break ever since Beyond let loose on him, that whole refusal to believe he has ever fucked a man in any universe ever, and his utter paranoia that he is not who he thinks he is.

Welcome to Dean's inner turmoil. ]

sure i agree with that right up until the point where youre a dude. and lucifer.

[kickingand]

and a dude. AND LUCIFER

[kickingand]

and dont give me the youre an archangel crap that ive heard a million times before. that whole thing where youre just occupying a vessel blahblah i get the gist. youre not really a dude so why not give it a go this one time right?

[kickingand]

but youre still lucifer.

[retiredfromhell]

[ All he needs is a bottle of whiskey and this is like the best night ever. ]

The fact that you're objecting primarily on my gender and only secondarily because I'm the devil; I can't decide if it's amusing or just slightly sad.

The knots you mortals twist yourselves into over gender and some words in that ridiculous book.

And what do you mean occupying a vessel? I don't occupy anything but my own form. One of my forms true but it's still my form.

[ Excuse you, Dean but you do not get perfection like this out of a mortal vessel. ]

[kickingand]

[ Can he just ignore all of that? Because he's going to. ]

you dont need a vessel? you just showed up as you?

[retiredfromhell]

[ But are you really, Dean? Are you really? Or are you going to sit and brood about it? ]

Of course I did. Well, except for my wings, had Maze cut them off when we got to the beach, but that was more a big middle finger to Dad than anything.