hadriel | text & later audio

[ Back home Lucifer didn't even own a cell phone. For all that he was on top of all things cultural and even technological he shunned the culture of cell phones and as such he didn't bother.

Here in Hadriel he'd had one of the infernal devices foisted off on him but, aside from some trolling of his own across the network he'd never bothered with initiating a communication.

Apparently that made him a prime trolling target. Because at some point during these misfire days, a text got blasted across the network, originating from the device of one Lucifer Morningstar. ]

I'd like to purchase your soul, what do you feel is a fair market value?

[ At some point after the text went out, whether due to Lucifer noticing it himself or (more likely) as a result of someone telling him where to shove 'his' offer, the Lord of Hell's dulcet tones came across the network.

By dulcet we mean richly accented but managing to sound an odd combination of resigned and childish at the same time. ]

For the LAST time. I DO NOT buy souls! That's not how Hell works. It's like the damn goats, when I figure out where the rumor started I swear I'm going ...

[ Sorry Hadriel, the audio cuts out before he can share his plans with you. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(￣へ￣凸)

[ it's like all her texts are just summed up through adorable Japanese kaomoji. she notes that and sends another text, probably some attempt to explain that that is not what she meant to send but it still turns up kaomoji. ]

┗(｀Дﾟ┗(｀ﾟДﾟ´)┛ﾟД´)┛

Even in adorable emoji, it's still rude to curse someone out for no apparent reason.

[ hey, sure, there had been an expletive or two in her original text, but you did offer to purchase some souls, and thank you, but her soul is worth more than anything you've got to offer. ]

¯\_(ಠ_ಠ)_/¯ [ honey badger don't care ]

[ He most certainly did not! He doesn't want any souls!! Maybe a favor here and there, a nice bargain that benefited both parties but he did not want any souls!

They just showed up in Hell ... like ants after a half used lollipop. ]

Have you ever heard the phrase 'use your words'?

Those had been words when I sent them. [ irritation dominates her tone. ] I don't usually text like I'm an anime character.

There! That's much better. [ He exclaimed, almost as if he hadn't heard what she'd said.

He had. He was just also an ass. ]

Yet I'm still left to ask, what are you talking about?

Oh, I was just saying shit like you couldn't afford my soul. [ said so nonchalantly. ]

Excellent. Not interested in the slightest.

Yeah, but that's not what was texted under your name.

And I'll tell you again.

I.Never.Texted.That.

There. Slow and to the point are we clear now?

I replied before your addendum, so... [ she doesn't really care. ]

but it's great to know that Hell isn't into the souls market, means I don't have to worry about competition. [ it's a bit of a joke. ]

It never has been, not in the way mortals have twisted it in their books and lore.

So go ahead, knock yourself out.

Have you never tried setting the record straight, maybe writing your own book? [ helpful suggestions, you know. ]

[ That earned her a blink and a slight bemused expression but he smiled widely and sat forward, intrigued. ]

You know, I never had! But now that you suggest it, what a spectacular idea.

[ Ut oh. He's serious. ]

[ oh no what has she done ]

And since you're stuck here, you really have all the time in the world to get it right. [ and probably can't bring it with you home but you know, details. ]

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