text & later audio

[retiredfromhell]

[ Back home Lucifer didn't even own a cell phone. For all that he was on top of all things cultural and even technological he shunned the culture of cell phones and as such he didn't bother.

Here in Hadriel he'd had one of the infernal devices foisted off on him but, aside from some trolling of his own across the network he'd never bothered with initiating a communication.

Apparently that made him a prime trolling target. Because at some point during these misfire days, a text got blasted across the network, originating from the device of one Lucifer Morningstar. ]

I'd like to purchase your soul, what do you feel is a fair market value?

[ At some point after the text went out, whether due to Lucifer noticing it himself or (more likely) as a result of someone telling him where to shove 'his' offer, the Lord of Hell's dulcet tones came across the network.

By dulcet we mean richly accented but managing to sound an odd combination of resigned and childish at the same time. ]

For the LAST time. I DO NOT buy souls! That's not how Hell works. It's like the damn goats, when I figure out where the rumor started I swear I'm going ...

[ Sorry Hadriel, the audio cuts out before he can share his plans with you. ]

Comments

text;

[strangelic]

I don't have a soul. I wasn't aware you horsetraded for them, either.

[retiredfromhell]

[ It took a little mystery solving to figure out just what was going on with a seemingly blank message, but eventually Lucifer cottoned on.

Of course decoding and reading it only heightened his bemusement. ]

That's a weird way to start a conversation, brother.

[strangelic]

You are the one who begun this conversation, Lucifer. I find it unsettling that you're asking anyone for their souls.

[text]

[circumitus]

[Um, what?]

afraid it's probably not worth very much.
it's not even real.

[retiredfromhell]

[ Uhm, what?? Right back attcha! ]

Then why are you wasting my time talking about it?

[circumitus]

was not the one asking about its price.

voice

[64th]

What would you even do with a soul?

[retiredfromhell]

Nothing!

[ By now someone sounds decidedly perturbed and more than a little frustrated. ]

That's what is so ridiculous about this whole thing! I don't want souls, never did. They just ... show up.

[64th]

What do you mean, show up?

audio.

[bheidh]

But some do?

[retiredfromhell]

Some do what??

[ He sounds more than a little huffy, because he is more than a little huffy about all this nonsense. ]

text

[unitas]

(￣へ ￣ 凸)

[ it's like all her texts are just summed up through adorable Japanese kaomoji. she notes that and sends another text, probably some attempt to explain that that is not what she meant to send but it still turns up kaomoji. ]

┗(｀Дﾟ┗(｀ﾟДﾟ´)┛ﾟД´)┛

[retiredfromhell]

Even in adorable emoji, it's still rude to curse someone out for no apparent reason.

text

[inappropriatelaughter]

1000 cartons of smokes

[ wait no how much does he smoke, shit. better be on the safe side. ]

5000

text

[retiredfromhell]

What? Are you offering, because I am running a bit low.

video

[skelebro]

SOULs are kind of a valued commodity. I wouldn't.

audio;

[retiredfromhell]

I don't and I have no idea where this silly rumor started. Either in the first place or now.

[ Someone does sound more than a little bemused. ]

video forever.

[truthvalue]

It's not?

[There's open curiosity in the expression on the face that replies - what many people would probably call an honest face, belonging to a grey-haired, grey-eyed teen, marked with a thin scar slashed down his left cheek.

That initial message definitely caught Souji's interest; the demon he'd become in Melasurei was never this direct about transacting in the soul trade, preferring to lean on seduction and manipulation instead, and Souji didn't expect to ever meet anyone else who'd been to Hell in the course of his travels.]

How does Hell work?

audio is the response

[retiredfromhell]

It works however the mortal residing in it deems it to work. You lot have always been much better at punishing yourselves than anything I could come up with, the most I've ever had to offer is a bit of guidance here or there.

[ Lucifer responded in a wry tone. ]

[Audio]

[bookman_exorcist]

[The network is just way too fun lately. His voice is a bit lazy and as charismatic as it can be while he's teasing the poor man(?).]

What about those scary looking devil babies? You hiding a tail somewhere? I suddenly have so many questions.

[retiredfromhell]

Another bit of ridiculous lore, angels are sterile.

[ He's not even going to dignify the tail remark. ]

[casperdisaster]

... so how does hell work then?

[retiredfromhell]

The way it's always worked. It's what mortals make of it for themselves.

Voice

[solvethepuzzle]

How reassuring. Though I don't suppose you would need to; it seems like an unnecessary transaction.

[retiredfromhell]

Exactly!

They show up, when they show up. Has nothing to do with me, it's all up to you lot.