hadriel | text & later audio

[ Back home Lucifer didn't even own a cell phone. For all that he was on top of all things cultural and even technological he shunned the culture of cell phones and as such he didn't bother.

Here in Hadriel he'd had one of the infernal devices foisted off on him but, aside from some trolling of his own across the network he'd never bothered with initiating a communication.

Apparently that made him a prime trolling target. Because at some point during these misfire days, a text got blasted across the network, originating from the device of one Lucifer Morningstar. ]

I'd like to purchase your soul, what do you feel is a fair market value?

[ At some point after the text went out, whether due to Lucifer noticing it himself or (more likely) as a result of someone telling him where to shove 'his' offer, the Lord of Hell's dulcet tones came across the network.

By dulcet we mean richly accented but managing to sound an odd combination of resigned and childish at the same time. ]

For the LAST time. I DO NOT buy souls! That's not how Hell works. It's like the damn goats, when I figure out where the rumor started I swear I'm going ...

[ Sorry Hadriel, the audio cuts out before he can share his plans with you. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I don't and I have no idea where this silly rumor started. Either in the first place or now.

[ Someone does sound more than a little bemused. ]

[Well, he's kinda relieved this isn't an actual Thing. Because it sounds like it'd take some effort on his part to suppress, and you know how this lazybones feels about that.]

I wouldn't take it personally. The network's been acting up all day.

Kinda hilarious, though, you gotta admit. Sounded like you're offering a pair of shoes on clearance.

Been acting up? How does a network act up?

[ Seriously. He'd heard of people having bad cell service and servers going down but acting up?

However, back to the point of his annoyance. ]

I wasn't offering anything, on clearance or otherwise.

Must be a god-related thing. Ask Delight, maybe. She could be having a laugh.

I mean, that's all well and good. I know a couple people who might wanna sell you theirs wholesale, so.

[ god-related thing.

...

... ]

Oh for fu ... [ he begins, though he chokes off the obscenity in exchange for an annoyed growl. ]

This is idiocy!! [ Yep, he's fussing now. ] And let me repeat myself when I say I DON'T WANT THEM!!

I heard you the first time, buddy. [But Sans still laughs, because he's a little shit.] Maybe you could open up a shoe business, you know?

For soles.

[ .... ]

I'm almost willing to over look your annoyance factor out of respect for that pun.

[ Never let it be said that the devil didn't have a sense of humor. ]

[See? Who doesn't appreciate a bad joke?]

Aw, c'mon. You really expect me to heel when I've got a good audience?

Now you're reaching.

[ Never claimed it was a particularly expansive sense of humor. ]

[Him? Reaching? He's offended.

Sans does not reach.

He stoops.

It's much less work.]

Surprised you managed to lace that all together.

[ Right.

Hanging up on you now!

Because that's the mature way to deal with puns. ]

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