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[kickingand]

[ Dean is making this brief for a variety of reasons. But he sadly doesn't care enough to make this anything but video - audio and text just seem like far too much effort, and so Dean can be seen boozing it up with a half empty bottle of whiskey he received from the gods.

Someone's been drunk a lot lately.

Big fuckin' deal. ]

So, I kind of happen to have an angel buddy who's in need of a lay. Anyone want to lend a hand?

Comments

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[kickingand]

C'mon, Cas- Don't worry about it, I got you covered.

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[strangelic]

[ THIS IS LIKE LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE OF THAT. ]

Then why do I feel so exposed?

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[kickingand]

[ Dean just... ruffles up his own hair and shrugs sort of innocently. ]

Side benefit?

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[strangelic]

If you say so.

[ He feels worse today than he did directly after the game of Twister, but that's really touch and go, considering after Twister Dean fell asleep on his right arm. ]

You should be looking for companionship of your own, not seeking it on my behalf. I don't require the same...maintenance that you do.

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[kickingand]

[ nooooOOOOOO ]

I don't need maintenance, Cas.

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[strangelic]

Of course you do. Manual stimulation at the very least seems to be a necessity for your species. Emotionally, if not physiologically.

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[kickingand]

Greasing the wheel isn't a necessity. It's a... perk.

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[strangelic]

So you say. I don't see what's so interesting about it.

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[kickingand]

[ Bullshit. ]

That's for you to find out.

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[strangelic]

I wouldn't even know where to begin.

[ Is this really the conversation you want to have with him right now, Dean? A conversation about whack-a-mole? Because that is where this is going. It is going there. What are you going to do about that? ]

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[kickingand]

[ It's not even remotely the conversation he wants to be having. Not even close. But problematically, if he averts the topic away, it would be even more obvious than if he were just to stay on it and torture himself continuously, so-

What the fuck does he do. ]

You'll figure it out as you go.

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[strangelic]

No, I mean...

[ Oblivious to how awkward this is and how trapped Dean is in this situation right now, and just... He is about to make this more awkward. ]

I mean I wouldn't know where to begin. You all have different habits and pastimes as far as masturbation goes. You alone, for example. You masturbate in the shower, in bed, in your car, in toilet stalls--some humans prefer the call of nature, some prefer to do it with other people...

[ Do you want to stop him right now? You should maybe stop him right now. ]

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[kickingand]

[ Dean......

Dean does not know what to do.

He's stuck, and somewhat humiliated though he doesn't truly care enough to be embarrassed. He's had worse splayed across the public's eyes but that's not the point, right now. The point is he's confused and part of this hurts somewhere he can't explain. Somehow it feels like road rash, raw and stinging, and he wants to walk away from it but won't that just bring it all to the surface, make it shiningly obvious? Make it something he truly can't escape from when Cas points out that he's now the one who's running? ]

And some people just don't know when to quit.

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[muscovy]

He's right. You should only woo someone in his name once the person is chosen, not ask the public for him if someone wants him. That makes him look very desperate and not like a very good match, yes?

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[kickingand]

[ Gosh, that'd be complicated. ]

Depends on the kinda match you're going for, kid.

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[muscovy]

Anything that does not give him a bad reputation.

Unless you want to give him a bad reputation, but that would not be very nice, yes?

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[kickingand]

Cas isn't gonna get a bad reputation, he's good at workin' one up all on his own.

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[muscovy]

And you want to make it even worse, yes?

[With what little he has seen of how Dean talks about Cas, he wouldn't even be surprised if that is the case.]

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[kickingand]

[ SIGH. ]

I want to make him a one-time-only friend.

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[muscovy]

That is not how friends work.

[...really, Dean, you need help with your definitions.]

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[kickingand]

[ How is he supposed to define fuckbuddies to a small child!! ]

Sometimes it is. In, uh- special circumstances.

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[muscovy]

[He could have thought about that before making this post?

Also he's calling bullshit.] What circumstances would that be?

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[kickingand]

[ Nope, that would require actual thought.

And pff, you can call bullshit as much as you want kiddo, Dean still stands by the fact that Cas needs a fuckbuddy. ]

Adult ones.

[ So there. ]

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[muscovy]

[Adult ones...

So either going to war, owning property or getting married.

The only one of these that you can use an on-time partner from is going to war.]

...You want him to go to war?

[Dude, you're getting weirder by the minute.]

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[kickingand]

Wait, what? Where'd you get that from?

[ NO U. ]