hadriel | fourth. text.

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fourth. text.

In the interest of having it completed some time this century, I'm taking over the project to create a guide document for new arrivals.

[And he's starting it from scratch, no thanks to Chris.]

If you can tear yourselves away from telling ghost stories long enough to reply, I'm interested to know what information you found most helpful when you first arrived, as well as what you would have liked to know sooner rather than later.

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[He's right, of course. And even if he says he doesn't find it unacceptable, it sounds to Mello like disapproval all the same.]

There is one thing we all have in common here, and it's that we've been brought here against our wills. On that basis, people deserve to know what they're up against.

[Enemy of my enemy, etc.]

[There's a pause.]

The ones worthy of alliances would probably be able to find the information on their own. It's not a bad thing that you're helping, in this way, it just could be seen as adding an extra step to the process of figuring out who those people are.

[Mello is glad they're having this discussion via phone instead of in person. This way, L can't see the pain that comes creeping up into His expression.]

Wouldn't you rather have had this document available to you when you first showed up? What if I hadn't found you?

Most humans appreciate a path of least resistance, when it's available. That being said, if you hadn't found me, and I'd failed to adapt, I wouldn't have been the person you thought I was.

I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I know you would've been fine without me ...

[Mello exhales audibly, frustrated with his inability to clearly express himself.]

This should have been written a long time ago. That's all.

Please don't worry. Nothing you could say would offend me. And if you think that this is the best way your time could be spent, I absolutely encourage it.

[Regardless of whether L intends it, this still sound like criticism to Mello's ears.]

There isn't much else to do here - I've already searched through the library, and there isn't any real information to be gathered from what's there. There isn't even anything else to be done for the Kira case in the event I'm sent back - I already know what needs to be done.

[Just what L needs to hear, that Hadriel is boring. This is not improving his mood in the slightest.]

There's no need to sound defensive about it. I respect your choices, but you should own them more fully.

... Well, is there something else I should be working on instead?

What's important is what you think. If you can say that you're proud of what you've accomplished or plan to, you shouldn't need more validation.

[That's not the way things have ever worked for Mello (thanks, Wammy's). He can be proud of his accomplishments, sure, but how can he know where he stands in the rankings without outside validation? And L's opinion means the most. Mello bites his bottom lip and slowly breathes through the sting of L's words, which sound more like a reprimand to him than ever.]

I think it's important to have this information compiled and readily available. It's what I would have wanted when I first arrived.

Was that so difficult?

... No.

[Yes.]

You hesitated.

I was breathing.

I'm guessing that isn't unusual for you, whether or not you are speaking fluently or hesitating.

Look, what do you want me to say? Your opinions are important. [What you think matters to me, he doesn't say.] That shouldn't be a surprise.

Objectivity and facts matter. Opinions aren't terribly reliable indicators of either, no matter whose they are.

That's easy for you to say.

[He's L, after all, not a child who was raised to admire him from afar.]

Is that really what you think? That everything I do and say is easy for me?

No, of course not.

[Mello's idol worship game may be strong, but he isn't entirely blinded by it. He recognizes - maybe better than most who entered the Wammy's House system - that L is human too, and not infallible. He was killed, after all - defeated by Kira. His job as the world three best detectives is a difficult one.

But he is the original, not the copy. He doesn't need the yardstick for comparison that his successors, actual or potential, naturally would, and he likewise doesn't need the approval of any outside parties. His only measurement of success is whether he's able to close a case, and except for the last case, he always did. That's the only metric necessary for gauging how well he is able to perform his job.

It's not like that for Mello. Raised in the competitive environment, bred to seek external approval - and L's approval is the highest form of praise, and the most elusive.]

Not everything. But some things for you are bound to be easier than others.

Edited 2016-09-01 03:28 (UTC)

[Of course it goes without saying that there's far more to Mello's words than merely what L hears. He knows that there are ingrained tendencies and dogmas common among Wammy's children and unique to them.]

OK. Then I want to know what you think is easier for me. And what you think is harder... I'm very interested in your answer.

You don't have to fight for legitimacy. Your work speaks for itself.

[And that's very different from Mello; he's always had to work hard to prove himself, both as a potential successor and after he left the House, climbing his way up through the ranks of the criminal underworld.]

You've had resources at your disposal that most people would dream of ever being able to acquire. Having the right tools makes anything easier. As for what's more difficult - I don't really know.

[Mello may have been privileged to have met L as himself as a child, but it was only once, and only long enough for his mentor to impart those three stories Mello spoke of in the document recounting the LABB Murders that he wrote and left for Near to find after his death. He's been able to observe L's behavior here, of course, but they are all out of their element here, so what he's been able to collect isn't a normal set of data. What Mello knows of L is still mostly informed by reputation rather than firsthand knowledge.]

Maybe you can tell me.

Working is fighting for legitimacy. Every second of it, whether or not it feels like it at the time.

[He fully recognizes that between the two of them, it probably felt more like working to Mello, and more like playing to L. He chooses not to comment on the statement about resources, because while they are certainly useful, L only attributes a small part of his success to having them. That had better be the case, at least, because he is cut off from all but two of them here in Hadriel, in the form of a pair of successors.]

Maybe. But I don't know if this is the time or place.

[It's probably neither. Mello knows well enough that pointing out your own weaknesses, even to an ally, is incredibly foolish. It's not surprising that L evades the topic, and Mello knows better than to push.]

Well, you know where to find me if it ever becomes the right time or place.

[It's a sideways invitation, that if L is having difficulty with something - say, the idea of having been killed and brought back to life - Mello is available to help, in whatever way he can. Not that L would know it, but Mello knows what it's like to find himself unexpected alive again after experiencing his death.]

private voice.

hearthebell - 2016-09-05 03:10 (UTC) - Expand

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