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[ It's been awhile since a certain someone has been seen around these parts.

Where has he been? What has he been up to?

Surely you don't expect the devil to answer those sorts of questions; do you?

Besides, according to the video, someone is gingerly picking his way through bits and pieces of zombie parts. Rather than looking disturbed, he appears merely curious as he rolls a dead zombie with the toe of a shoe before hunkering down to study it. ]

Well, well. It would seem I've missed the party.

I'm assuming this was a party? Really you lot, what have you been up to in my absence?

[ Straightening gracefully he stepped over the body and continued along. ]

While I'd love to be brought up to speed on why there are bits of corpses everywhere, there is a more important question for the moment.

Castiel, please tell me that you and Dean have sorted yourselves out?

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The cool kids are calling 'em "zombies."

[Which Sans is definitely not one of, despite being, uh...kind of skeletal. Okay, not "kind of" skeletal. He's definitely skeletal. He's literally a skeleton.]

Zombies. [ Lucifer repeated the word and rolled his eyes. ] Like with the brain eating and all that nonsense?

Far as I could tell? Yep. Except, uh, they didn't seem to care much for the brains part.

[He raps his knuckles against the side of his skull with a hollow thunk. No brains in here, pal.]

That's about as cliche as you can get. [ He said in a dry tone. ] Let me guess, Hope was trying to encourage us all to 'see on the bright side'?

[ Someone is more than a little impossible on the idea of Hope. ]

Think it was Fear this go around, but, uh, something like that.

[Eh, not like Sans cares much for hope either, honestly.]

So in short I haven't really missed anything important. It's status quo with the little godlets messing around with their guests' emotions again?

[ While he may have been out of communication for a month, for Lucifer that was little more than an extended toilet break. ]

I mean, I don't think that ever really changes, buddo.

[He quirks a supraorbital ridge upwards in vague curiosity, though his grin remains permanent as ever.]

Where'd you nip off to then, huh?

No body likes a nosy skeleton. [ Lucifer chastised with a shake of his finger. ]

Though I've got to admit, little disappointing there haven't been any changes worth talking about.

No body, huh?

[Sans's grin widens. Did you just make a pun, buddy.]

[ Lucifer just grinned. He remembers you, Sans. ]

[Oh hey, yeah. You're "soul" guy, huh? Yep, that was a good time.]

Well, rest assured. I wouldn't say things really change around here.

I can't decide if that's reassuring or utterly depressing.

[ He glanced around at the corpses and gave an arm a lazy sort of kick. ]

Though I don't recall all the bodies?

[You can take it from Sans: it's both.]

Yeah, there was a wash of those through here. Zombies, I think everyone called 'em.

Here I thought those were just some recent cultural fad. [ He remarked in an unimpressed tone. ]

Are they all dead ... again ... then?

Should be.

[He's not having to keep on his toes, figuratively speaking, trying to avoid getting gnoshed on, at least.]

The things kinda made a real racket, moaning and groaning and the like. Place is real quiet now.

Small mercies, I suppose. [ He muttered, giving a couple of body parts a wry look, before he began to walk along again. ]

Anything else of any interest?

Depends on what y'mean by "interest".

[He slits open an eyesocket to watch lazily, seemingly unperturbed.]

Surprise me. [ Lucifer asked, his tone more than a little dry. ]

Well, apparently a prototype of something called a "Ms. Pacman" has been released. Everyone's now rarin' for the enviable title of "keeper of the highest score".

It's a real gripping competition. Everybody's glued to their seats.

Oh! Is that the one where the little yellow circle has the bow on it?

[ He sounds positively enthused by this. No, seriously, enthused. ]

I like that one. The cut scenes are adorable.

Are they?

[He's got no idea what kinda coding Rhys laid down on that thing. He can appreciate the effort, though.]

Timing could'a been better, but at least we had some entertainment during the zombie apocalypse.

Your kinda parties usually have a fuckin' body count?

[Not that Gren has a whole lot of room to talk, there. Just as him about his twelve years of gatecrashing at Heorot.]

Pretty sure whatever's up with those two assholes ain't as pressin' as the fuckin' corpse party we got goin' on here.

Only the ones worth remembering. [ Lucifer returned with a shit eating grin. ]

I don't see an open bar around anywhere so it can't be much of a party.

Rather more curious if that pair finally got their act together or if I'm going to have to continue to deal with their UST.

Last I checked, Delight ain't chargin' shit for you to get shitfaced at her place.

[There you go, an open bar. Have fun.]

We've got a fuckin' zombie infestation and you're worried about where a couple of assholes are stickin' it? Seriously?

Oh I'm sure there's a delightful catch to drinking in her establishment. [ He remarked, though when it came to how he usually talked about the godlets, there was less scorn than usual.

He did rather like Delight. ]

The zombie infestation is a minor annoyance. That pair is an actual emotional obligation. Or at least a familial one; big brother and all that.

There ain't a whole lot of other options.

[And Gren likes to drink, okay. As far as bartenders go, Delight's about as good of one as anybody is gonna get.]

So what you're sayin' is that you're a nosy prick. Get a fuckin' hobby.

[One that doesn't involve being overly active in your sibling's sex life.]

More's the pity that.

[ Lucifer rolled his eyes at the last bit and somehow managed to affect the body language of an annoyed twelve year old girl. ]

It had nothing to do with me. Everybody deserves a sex life but believe me, if I'm not actively participating I don't care about it. They kept dumping it on my doorstep.

[ But ... wait. There is a moment where he stops thinking in terms of me and circles back on what this guy has been saying. ]

But if you're saying they're sticking it ... so they are ... finally ... sticking it then?

What?

[Satan. Satan, no. No, Satan, no.]

How the fuck would I know? I don't even know who the fuck they are, I sure as fuck don't know if they're schtuppin' each other.

[He doesn't have his own sex life, he's not sticking his nose into someone else's.]

Edited 2016-09-21 23:37 (UTC)

Well you were talking about it like you knew! [ Lucifer charged right back, looking genuinely flummoxed that now this man was saying he didn't know.

In fact he sighs and sets his hands on his hips ... still standing in the middle of zombie parts. ]

You mean you don't know? You were just getting my hopes up?

I didn't fuckin' say I knew!

[Somehow, this conversation managed to take a hard left and go right out of his control. How did this happen? Why does Satan think he knows who his brother is banging?]

All I said is that you're a nosy fucker.

[ Because Lucifer has a gift of wheeling all conversations back to somehow being about him and his interests. Really, it's a gift. ]

Look, I try to avoid family drama just as much as the next celestial being but sometimes it just ends up on your front doorstep.

Can't blame me for hoping that was no longer the case.

If you can't fuckin' avoid your brother's sex life, you ain't tryin' hard enough.

[Not that Gren even has siblings or anything. He's an only monster-child, the only sex life he's been avoiding is his own.]

Let 'em sort it out on their own or whatever. Nobody likes some asshole stickin' his nose in their fuckin' bedroom.

No seriously I did try, why do you think I've been gone through all this delightful corpse business?

[ Well, actually it had been for his own business. Avoiding Castiel and Dean while they worked out their UST has just been a bonus. ]

You got to miss it? No fair...

Completely fair. It's called free will and I sometimes wonder if you humans lost the user manual somewhere along the way.

You can just free will yourself out of major disasters? No no that's cheating. You are absolutely cheating.

Of course I'm cheating. What's the point of being the devil if you can't cheat a little? I just don't lie about it.

You literally just did! You said it was fair!

Right. It's completely fair that I missed it. It's not lying, it is fair. I'm me.

[ Seriously. No one has a higher opinion of himself. ]

Ummm that still sounds kinda...

Shifty.

He's... He's dead. He turned into...

[ Nope, can't do it. Castiel sounds about as bad as you can probably expect considering things were just getting good and Dean turned into a flesh eating monster right in front of his eyes. So he is pretty heartbroken. ]

[ Oh good grief. ]

You realize that dead can be a bit of a tricky definition with us lot, and mortals entangled with us lot.

Are you sure he's not coming back, dead? Or is this, just popped around the corner for a Slurpee type dead?

[ He's ... sort of trying to show he cares? ]

[ What... What does that even mean? What's a slurpee? Why is this happening to him, can't you see he's despairing? That's what this expression says. ]

I watched him change. Turn into one of those walking corpses. Otherwise I... I brought him back once before, but this is different. I'm powerless here. Useless. I couldn't even save the man I love.

[ Victories can be so bittersweet, can't they? ]

[ Castiel. Castiel!

You've been among humans for how many years now and you don't know what a Slurpee is? He's going to despair for you. ]

Well at least you've made the step to admitting you love him. Guess we can count that a small favor?

Have you tried to locate him, in among all the ... [ Lucifer looked down at his feet. What did you call corpses that were now corpses on top of corpses?

He gave up trying to think of a good word and just gestured. ]

No. It's not favorable at all. Loving him makes this infinitely worse.

[ There's a little bit of a glare there, as though to slam him for ever getting him into this situation in the first place. Give in to your desires, kiss him, tell him you love him. How wonderful that is until Dean goes and gets himself munched on by zombies.

Oh yes, he's blaming Lucifer entirely, obviously. That must be a new experience. Not. ~~He isn't really.~~ ]

There are too many of them now, and he's... The Winchesters have always been warded to angels. It's a precaution that I put in place against...well. You.

Edited 2016-09-27 19:39 (UTC)

That's a more important question?

As it's the question that directly impacts me, yes.

[ Never let it be said that Lucifer didn't stick to his priorities. ]

I think the corpses still affect you.

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voice; are you ready for some more drama...

Oh Dad....

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