[Text] (With Pictures!)

[aroundthecoroner]

So it's day 2 of Ikea madness,
and I figured we should set up some kind of cragslist situation,
so that people can get rid of things they really don't want.
Or if you for some reason feel like filling your house with this stuff
follow your dreams?

Anyway I found this yesterday:

[Attached is a photo of a very odd table, the front half of it, anyway. It's sticking out of an apartment wall at an odd angle, legs mostly horizontal. There's a second photo of the back half, which appears to be in another room.

A jacket is hanging off of one of the hooves. Looks like someone has found a use for it, at least.]

If anyone knows how to get this out of the wall
without like, destroying said wall
they're welcome to it.
But to be honest I'm kind of getting used to it.
Might call it "Dave".
This I'm not too keen on:

[Another image, this one of a kind of unsettling chair.]

Frankly you can just have it.
Please.

[Everyone is welcome to post their new furniture they don't want, or offers to acquire more. Michael is not going to moderate, but it's a platform at least!]

Comments

[ghostlocked]

uh. its my real name now but yeah i changed it.
i have a dark and mysterious past.
idk that i would call it an alias tho. alias sounds like im on the run or somethin.
but ok. ill lvl w. u.
im gonna tell u somethin in confidence ok?

text --> private

[aroundthecoroner]

Uh
okay?
Sure.
Should this be private though?

[He makes it private just in case.]

private

[ghostlocked]

yeah. ty. id really prefer if this didnt get out.
i hope u can handle knowing the truth.

[Harlan is laughing. He leaves a dramatic pause between texts.]

im not that cool.

private

[aroundthecoroner]

[What? What.]

Wait what
Was that the thing?
Your secret is that you're not cool?

[Okay, haha, he fell for your stupid joke. Laugh it up, asshole.]

Dude that's not even a secret.

private

[ghostlocked]

no i was kidding.
my secret is that im always angry.

[He is laughing it up, especially with Michael doling out that SICK BURN which Harlan did not see coming from this nerd.]

private

[aroundthecoroner]

Hilarious.
I've seen Avengers you know.

private

[ghostlocked]

ive been dead the whole time.
rosebud is the sled.
bah ram ewe.
something abt aliens and water.
we just met dude. im not gonna reveal any shit worth knowin just bc u picked a shitty name for ur shitty table.
im jealous tho. no cool furniture showed up in my place.

private

[aroundthecoroner]

Okay but
you're the one who offered to?
I didn't start this.
I didn't ask for secrets.
And if you want some cool furniture you can have the chair.
It's free.

private

[ghostlocked]

nty im good.
i picked up a chair already.
its ugly as sin but john frusciante wanted it.

[He sends along a picture.]

private

[aroundthecoroner]

[That chair... sure is something.]

Who's John Frusciante?

private

[ghostlocked]

wtf? hdu on two fronts.
john frusciante is the best rhcp guitarist. fuckin duh.
john frusciante is also my cat.

private

[aroundthecoroner]

Oh.
Sorry I'm not all that like
in the know about music.

private

[ghostlocked]

lame.
u dont get to sit in my cool sheep chair then.
jfs gonna rip it to shreds in like a week anyway. shes gnawin on one of the heads as we speak.
this is the last time i haul weird shit halfway across town and up seven flights of stairs for this bitch.

OH MY GOD HE HAS A KiTTEN ICON

[aroundthecoroner]

She's a cat.
From what I understand
that's just what they do.
Like puppies but forever.

you're damn right he does

[ghostlocked]

shes a kitten.
so yeah shes a nightmare.

[And he sends along another picture.]

worth it tho.

[aroundthecoroner]

That
is really fucking adorable.

[ghostlocked]

yeah shes my girl.
idk how she managed to hitch a ride thru the door but im glad she did.
she loves me unconditionally. we are best friends.
be jealous of our love.

[aroundthecoroner]

That is maybe a weird thing to say?
But sure.
Consider me jealous.
I do think about getting a pet sometimes.
Maybe like a dog?
I might be better off sticking to plants though.

[ghostlocked]

wtf how is it weird? what part is weird?
its not weird.
w. that attitude u better stay tf away from plants too.
hdu smack talk me for loving my cat meanwhile ur talkin abt gettin a dog.
dogs are like unconditional love w. fur.
i had to work for the bond between me and jf.

[aroundthecoroner]

[Oh god. What is even happening.]

I'm not smack talking you.
Your cat love is fine.
Why should I stay away from plants?

[ghostlocked]

u were too.
im sayin if u think lovin a pet is weird u should stay away from plants.
thats a thing isnt it? plants need affection or w.e.
at the very least u seem like the type to forget to water a plant.

[aroundthecoroner]

I think that's singing.
Aren't you supposed to sing to plants?
Or like talk to them?
I wouldn't forget to water a plant
I'm not THAT bad.

[He maybe is that bad, though.]

[ghostlocked]

nah ud totally forget.
i kno ur type.
fuckin millennials.
has anyone blamed u guys for ruinin houseplants yet?
if not then imma start that trend.
what would u sing to ur plant if u had one? u dont even kno who the rhcps are so nothin good clearly but humor me anyway.

[aroundthecoroner]

Do I even count as a millennial?
I'm almost 30.
Whatever I'm not going to tell you what I'd sing to a plant
this is stupid.

[ghostlocked]

yes u count. wtf.
what year were u born?
omg.
but u would sing to a plant?
im getting u a plant.