[The camera opens up on two near identical elves, sitting shoulder to shoulder. If the denizens of Hadriel remember their last address on the network, this one seems rather tame in comparison (possibly because one of them isn’t a skeleton this time), but they’re still grinning wide. Then again, the last one didn’t start with absolute chaos either. The both of them slide their eyes towards each other, and then in tandem flip some bangs from their faces, grinning directly at the screen.]

Helloooo, Hadriel!

[That can’t be the start of anything good.]

You’re on with the twins, and today, we’re here to grace you with our expertise.

So as the most attractive people in the city, we get asked, uh, pretty much all the time to help out with people’s looks.

Most of y’all are basically hopeless, but we’re givers.

And because we’re, uh, basically the most generous people ever, today we’ve got a special event for the masses.

[Their eyes flick to each other once again before they both ring out in a singsong tone,]

SMASH OR PASS!

[Did that shatter someone’s device speakers? Probably.]

Rules are real simple. You comment. We rate. One to ten.

Couldn’t be easier. You clowns are real lucky to have us. You can come get your assigned hotness level and never have to wonder where you stand in the world ever again.

Also, scores are final. Unless you do some real good sucking up.

Ew, Taako. This is a family friendly broadcast. Keep it PG.

Not that kind, jeez. Sounds like you’re the one who’s thinkin’ about it.

Nope, nope, nope. Double yuck. Not even going there. Anyway, like, comment, and subscribe--

-- If you wanna see more primo twins content from the best duo in Hadriel.

[They both throw up peace signs, Taako sticking his tongue out to really cheese it, and the feed cuts.]

[ooc: Taako is blue, Lup is red, both of them are purple! Specify if you want one or the other because the default is both with a three-way thread! Also, please never think it's too late or too full to tag this. Please get in on the bullshit.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Lup, that needs to highkey be our birthday party this year. Swimsuit competition.

[Everyone in the city strips down and gets drunk. He'd wear a bikini for that.]

And uhhh, he might be. I'unno. I'm not super into the, uh, golden boy types.

[He's more into the tall, dark, and handsome side.]

Seven and a half. Maybe an eight. Maybe.

Oh shit, we can schedule it in before the dunk tank. That would be so bomb.

[They have big plans, alright. When you miss out on celebrating nearly a dozen years together, it's time to really kick shit off.]

Look. Droppin' what I already know about the dude and goin' purely on looks, I'd give him a nine. That boy is all muscle and I'm not mad. But just know he'd normally get deducted like three whole points for being such a dork otherwise.

If he's a nine, being a dork bumps him up to a ten.

Uhh, this is a contest of looks, not personality. And if dorkiness was worth points Barry might actually score not terrible.

[No dork points! Only hotness points!]

[Taako absolutely gets an elbow to the gut at that, but Lup's grin doesn't fade in the slightest.]

Take the nine, babe. It's the best he's gonna get with us without a full frontal strip sesh.

That's what it takes to get a ten?

[ Wash is actually still in the room, half-listening to her bicker over their scores. (For the record, he would've argued a six but is very surprised by a nine.) And while Kyna only had to ask for him to take his shirt off, more than that is not happening. He glances up, and leans over into frame to chime in. ]

I'll take the nine, but then Kyna's nine-five.

[ Because unless they're just super into muscle, this scale is off. Kyna's more attractive. ]

Nooo, her score is set. She wants to petition for somethin' better, that's her biz. You are responsible for your score alone, buddy. You want the ten, you gotta be the full package.

[Said with just an excessive amount of eyebrow wiggles, honestly.]

Sweet thought, hun, but Kyna can wait five days and then apply for a re-scoring.

Pretty small application, only a few pages, it's just the wait for approval that takes a few days.

[Kyna actually looks more offended by Wash's assessment than by Lup and Taako's. She turns to him, making a face.]

Wait, why don't you think I'm a ten?

[ Uh oh? The correct answer is that your partner is always a ten, duh, he's not an idiot. Wash points at her phone in explanation. ]

To me you are. But I don't think you should give them a full frontal on the network?

[He snickers, putting a hand up to his mouth like a 90's anime girl.]

Jeez, hot water city there, huh bud? Not our fault your scoring system is biased. We could maybe swing a private app, if you're so worried.

[Look at these snickering assholes, ears perked and totally into this lover's spat going on right in front of them.]

Ouch, Washie's in biiiiiig trouble. Better get this girl some flowers and chocolate to make up for it. Pronto.

[See, Kyna. She's got you covered.]

[This is going to turn into three against one. Poor Wash.]

Yeah, I'm pretty heartbroken. I don't know if I'll ever heal, but chocolate would be a start.

Your system is biased.

[ He huffs, unsurprised that they're ganging up on him. But neither flowers nor chocolate are easy to come by in Hadriel. If they're serious he might have to scramble... it sounds like Kyna, at least, is just messing with him. ]

Chocolate?

Well, y'know, you need help with actually useful magic like transmutation, you can always hit me up.

[A wink. Yes, he said like ten minutes ago he wasn't rating Wash high, and now this might legally count as flirting? He's not sorry.]

[Taako is never sorry. Though neither is Lup. Kyna probably isn't either. Must be an elf thing.]

Snap snap, Washington! Your girl is askin' for chocolate an' you best not disappoint!

[Kyna is definitely not sorry, and she lets out a long, dramatic sigh.]

Chocolate's the only thing that'll fix it.

second spell [video]

SMASH OR PASS!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject