[The camera opens up on two near identical elves, sitting shoulder to shoulder. If the denizens of Hadriel remember their last address on the network, this one seems rather tame in comparison (possibly because one of them isn’t a skeleton this time), but they’re still grinning wide. Then again, the last one didn’t start with absolute chaos either. The both of them slide their eyes towards each other, and then in tandem flip some bangs from their faces, grinning directly at the screen.]

Helloooo, Hadriel!

[That can’t be the start of anything good.]

You’re on with the twins, and today, we’re here to grace you with our expertise.

So as the most attractive people in the city, we get asked, uh, pretty much all the time to help out with people’s looks.

Most of y’all are basically hopeless, but we’re givers.

And because we’re, uh, basically the most generous people ever, today we’ve got a special event for the masses.

[Their eyes flick to each other once again before they both ring out in a singsong tone,]

SMASH OR PASS!

[Did that shatter someone’s device speakers? Probably.]

Rules are real simple. You comment. We rate. One to ten.

Couldn’t be easier. You clowns are real lucky to have us. You can come get your assigned hotness level and never have to wonder where you stand in the world ever again.

Also, scores are final. Unless you do some real good sucking up.

Ew, Taako. This is a family friendly broadcast. Keep it PG.

Not that kind, jeez. Sounds like you’re the one who’s thinkin’ about it.

Nope, nope, nope. Double yuck. Not even going there. Anyway, like, comment, and subscribe--

-- If you wanna see more primo twins content from the best duo in Hadriel.

[They both throw up peace signs, Taako sticking his tongue out to really cheese it, and the feed cuts.]

[ooc: Taako is blue, Lup is red, both of them are purple! Specify if you want one or the other because the default is both with a three-way thread! Also, please never think it's too late or too full to tag this. Please get in on the bullshit.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

I don't know. I don't think it's fair to ask a pair of ones to rate a ten.

[Wow, look at that shit-eating grin.]

[He shouldn't.

He really shouldn't. Maybe he's just a glutton for pain.]

Who died and made you the co-keepers of hotness?

Not that I need to ask...

Thanks, but I already know that I'm a ten.

Oh, are you thinkin' about your pair? 'Cuz if you wanna debate the merits of Harlan's face, it's gonna be over in about three seconds because uh, hard pass.

[Lance is absolutely not responding to this, but you can bet he's going to be stalking and amusing himself that way.]

Is there a way to pass on such asinine queries entirely?

[Someone is just cranky because his eardrums nearly exploded. And no, he is not turning the video on, thank you very much.]

Edited 2018-04-13 03:23 (UTC)

[we live to serve, please sub to our channel. if we get 10k likes, we'll do the ghost pepper challenge]

Alright, lemme have it. For science -- I'm mostly curious how long it's gonna take you to agree on a score.

[See! See! Masochist! He called you out and was super right!]

Delight, probably.

[And then, without missing a beat--]

Also, you can be a secondary ten, but only if you have the decency to take your shirt off.

And Tucker's kinda cute, but we aren't into furries. Double pass.

[make sure to share our videos for a chance at the sweepstakes, a guest spot where they roast you for an hour]

Is this - oh! Video, I found it! [She takes a second to figure out how to angle it so the camera is pointed at her, though.]

So many people already acting like they're too cool to care in your comments here, though, don't they know how to have any fun at all?

Why not? You came for the rating, babe.

[Which he does stop and consider for a second.]

You can be a.... sssseven. Maybe a seven and a half. Lup? Thoughts?

[Lup is right there, hovering at Taako's side, nodding exaggeratedly.]

Them's the breaks, Nate. You want a solid ten, you gotta take it off.

Mmmm, I dunno. Makeup's lookin' a little vintage.

[Which is like, a Look, but maybe not his look.]

Good facial structure but I'unno if you know how to really go for it. Six and a half.

Def an easy eight. What can I say? I'm partial to cute blondes and you've got a killer bod.

[Elena considers this for a moment, then undoes the top button of her shirt.]

[It doesn't matter if he won't turn on the video, Taako is still going to respond by getting much too close to the camera just to make sure his voice is louder.]

Literally why are you even here if you're not thirstin' for a score, buddy? C'mon. Pay up. Camera on.

[He's saying it in a way one might coax a large dog out from under the couch.]

Harsh, 'Ko. She's at least a seven. Little young looking still, but she'll grow into her looks. Total smash.

[Okay, this is a hard one. Taako doesn't think he's unattractive, per se, but is he willing to admit that.]

I mean, not a ton goin' on in the face area? But you do totally lift. Give us a flex?

Oh! Do me.

[Wink.]

Jesus.

[She's trying so, so hard not to laugh.]

So you're saying I'm a ten, right?

[Tucker's sitting at his kitchen table with a box of Thin Mints.]

I'll give you these and forget the furry comment if you rate me higher than Kyna. Act now and I might be inclined to include a bonus.

[He hasn't forgotten the last post these two made and how fucking well that went, but if he didn't actually love a good disaster, he wouldn't be dating Taako.]

These rules are somewhat confusing. Where on the scale constitutes as a pass, and how high must you be rated to acquire a smash?

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