second spell [video]

[pocketspa]

[The camera opens up on two near identical elves, sitting shoulder to shoulder. If the denizens of Hadriel remember their last address on the network, this one seems rather tame in comparison (possibly because one of them isn’t a skeleton this time), but they’re still grinning wide. Then again, the last one didn’t start with absolute chaos either. The both of them slide their eyes towards each other, and then in tandem flip some bangs from their faces, grinning directly at the screen.]

Helloooo, Hadriel!

[That can’t be the start of anything good.]

You’re on with the twins, and today, we’re here to grace you with our expertise.

So as the most attractive people in the city, we get asked, uh, pretty much all the time to help out with people’s looks.

Most of y’all are basically hopeless, but we’re givers.

And because we’re, uh, basically the most generous people ever, today we’ve got a special event for the masses.

[Their eyes flick to each other once again before they both ring out in a singsong tone,]

SMASH OR PASS!

[Did that shatter someone’s device speakers? Probably.]

Rules are real simple. You comment. We rate. One to ten.

Couldn’t be easier. You clowns are real lucky to have us. You can come get your assigned hotness level and never have to wonder where you stand in the world ever again.

Also, scores are final. Unless you do some real good sucking up.

Ew, Taako. This is a family friendly broadcast. Keep it PG.

Not that kind, jeez. Sounds like you’re the one who’s thinkin’ about it.

Nope, nope, nope. Double yuck. Not even going there. Anyway, like, comment, and subscribe--

-- If you wanna see more primo twins content from the best duo in Hadriel.

[They both throw up peace signs, Taako sticking his tongue out to really cheese it, and the feed cuts.]

[ooc: Taako is blue, Lup is red, both of them are purple! Specify if you want one or the other because the default is both with a three-way thread! Also, please never think it's too late or too full to tag this. Please get in on the bullshit.]

Comments

[restinglichface]

And Tucker's kinda cute, but we aren't into furries. Double pass.

[evocation]

Jesus.

[She's trying so, so hard not to laugh.]

So you're saying I'm a ten, right?

[pocketspa]

Uhh, not even close.

[Don't think you're getting away that easily.]

What're you thinkin', Lup? For our first rating of the night.

[restinglichface]

You get to be a ten once you've learned to respect your betters, sweetie.

Hard eight for now, but she'll grow into. She's young.

[evocation]

What? I'm not an eight.

[She sounds horrifically offended.]

[pocketspa]

Mmm, I think an eight's being a little generous. Seven, if I'm bein' nice about it.

[This is like, the verbal equivalent of a hard noogie.]

[restinglichface]

[This is just what you do with younger siblings, okay. Can't give them too much. Gotta make them work for it.]

She's right, Taako. Seven and a half is way more fittin'.

[evocation]

What the fuck! What standards are you even using? What's making me miss points?

[pocketspa]

Uhh, our standards, so the right ones.

[They also don't have literally any standards. They're just messing. This is how she should know they like her.]

[restinglichface]

Sorry, babe. Our intricate point system never lies.

[evocation]

Okay, so tell me what the system is.

[pocketspa]

Uh, that's top secret Taaco twin material, my dude. It's like, really detailed.

[restinglichface]

There's like ten different sets of graphs you have to complete. Probs go right over your cute head.

[evocation]

Fuck you guys, I'm totally a ten. What about Wash?

[pocketspa]

We’re rating you babe, not him.

[Which is a great cover for, ‘I don’t remember what Wash looks like literally at all’. Gj Taako.]

Why’re you so miffed? It’s not bad. Just not perfect, like us.

[restinglichface]

Haven't ever seen the guy not on fire so it doesn't seem super fair to judge him off of that.

[What a lying liar.]

[evocation]

Yeah, that's because he's hot.

[Get it Lup GET IT. But give her a second, she has to go bully her boyfriend into taking his shirt off.

A few minutes later, they'll be getting a picture. Wash is, probably unsurprisingly, ripped. His torso is littered with scars, but hey, he's got the disgustingly attractive soldier thing going on, or at least Kyna thinks so.]

You're welcome.

[pocketspa]

[Taako snickers, but waits patiently until she returns, and whistles approvingly at the photo.]

Alright, alright, not bad. Man, why are so many people in this city fuckin' beefy boys? How did we end up here?

[restinglichface]

[Kyna, you get Lup's whole self. Maybe you get an extra half point for that pun. ok.

What are the twins doing with all of these photos? Certainly not downloading them for later. what.]

I know, right? With this much muscle in the city, how the heck hasn't anyone started a muscleman competition or somethin'. Get all these hotties out in one place.

[evocation]

I don't know. Soldier shit, probably. So he's a ten, right?

[pocketspa]

Lup, that needs to highkey be our birthday party this year. Swimsuit competition.

[Everyone in the city strips down and gets drunk. He'd wear a bikini for that.]

And uhhh, he might be. I'unno. I'm not super into the, uh, golden boy types.

[He's more into the tall, dark, and handsome side.]

Seven and a half. Maybe an eight. Maybe.

[restinglichface]

Oh shit, we can schedule it in before the dunk tank. That would be so bomb.

[They have big plans, alright. When you miss out on celebrating nearly a dozen years together, it's time to really kick shit off.]

Look. Droppin' what I already know about the dude and goin' purely on looks, I'd give him a nine. That boy is all muscle and I'm not mad. But just know he'd normally get deducted like three whole points for being such a dork otherwise.

[evocation]

If he's a nine, being a dork bumps him up to a ten.

[pocketspa]

Uhh, this is a contest of looks, not personality. And if dorkiness was worth points Barry might actually score not terrible.

[No dork points! Only hotness points!]

[restinglichface]

[Taako absolutely gets an elbow to the gut at that, but Lup's grin doesn't fade in the slightest.]

Take the nine, babe. It's the best he's gonna get with us without a full frontal strip sesh.