video;

[deviledlegs]

Hey, all you heavenly angels and cocky asshats! Consider this your very first public service announcement on behalf of everyone's favorite pirate cook, Sanji.

[There he is, blowing cigarette smoke at his phone's camera with that shit-eating grin. All is well, or so it seems.]

I need food wrapping paper and air-tight containers. A shit ton of them.

Each and every lovely lady who has the generosity to go out of her way and deliver some to me will go home with any dish her heart desires so long as I have the ingredients! You other bastards can just be grateful knowing you might not actually starve later.

[He wiggles his fingers in a rather silly goodbye gesture.]

Ciao!

Comments

[glazedonutholes]

Well, sure. That's why they're such a hot commodity.

[deviledlegs]

Holy shit! This is so fucking brilliant, I'm even willing to forgive that shitty joke you just pulled!

[Sanji slaps Donut on the back, grinning like he just raised Frankenstein's monster.]

You might've just saved our asses, weirdo!

[glazedonutholes]

What joke? [ Donut just laughs at his antics, pleased that he's happy with his gift. He's always been the best gift giver on Red Team. ] Well, I'm always happy to help your ass.

[deviledlegs]

[Sanji stalls his excitement just long enough to aim "a look" Donut's way.]

That. That joke.

[Then his attention is back where it needs to be: his reward for not chasing Donut off despite his better judgement.]

My ass is perfectly fine without your help. For ladies' eyes only!

[glazedonutholes]

I'm not sure what you're talking about. [ He doesn't. He really doesn't. ] But you're welcome. I'm happy to help.

Now, about these chicks. Do you know where the fun ones are? I'd really like to talk to them.

[deviledlegs]

And why would I hand out the list of gorgeous stunners I've cultivated through hard work and diligence to the competition?

[He asks in all seriousness.]

[glazedonutholes]

Well, for starters, chicks are your best source of finding the best facials. And second, do you know where all the best shopping places are? Because I am in dire need of some silk sheets.

[deviledlegs]

[Excitement waning.]

Do you... know where you are?

[glazedonutholes]

I think Wash called this place Hadriel.

Why? Do you want a tour? I mean, I can put aside my brainstorming for brunch ideas and show you around.

[deviledlegs]

[Insert long-suffering sigh here.]

Sure, there are shops around, but you won't find any shitty silks or whatever crap you wanna put on your face. You probably won't even find proper imitations.

[Apparently people can ask the gods for things, but. Sanji is not about to enlighten Donut to that fact and have him sell his soul for silk sheets.]

[glazedonutholes]

[ Oh, he would too! What's a soul when you're living it up sleeping on silk sheets and hanging out with your friends during wine and cheese hour! But if you were hoping to kill his mood with that you've only succeeded in making him more determined because bestill his heart, did you say shops! As in plural!!! You bet your ass he can make it work! ]

What shops? You know I'm a bargain shopper and a true believer of DIY!

[deviledlegs]

Shitty shops full of random crap just like where you found the silicone covers.

[He... He did find them in one of the shops, didn't he? Did someone else find them and just hand them to the guy? Is Sanji giving Donut too much credit?]

Any DIY knowledge is going to come in handy for you, but there's no point in bargaining when there isn't anyone minding the shops.

[He waves the very idea aside. After all, there's no currency either. Bartering is as close as anyone seems to have gotten to an economy here.]

If you can make something useful with your weird ass crafts, you should be fine.

[glazedonutholes]

You mean! I CAN TAKE WHATEVER I WANT?!!!

[ oOOH Boy. This is too much for his little heart. It's about to burst with excitement as he looks back and forth trying to find these mythical free shops. ]

Where are they?!!

[ And he goes up to grab him by the hands to plead his case. ]

You gotta tell me, Mister!!!

[deviledlegs]

[LKAJSLDFASFTOOCLOSE

Sanji pulls back as far as he can with his hands in some other dude's hands (sob!). Why can't this nutcase be a beautiful woman???]

They're on most of the islands! I'll draw you a map or something, so let go!

[glazedonutholes]

You will!

[ He lets go clamp his hands in total adoration of him. ]

Thank you, Mister!

[deviledlegs]

[Sanji isn't the map maker of the crew, so his will be crude at best, but it will serve it's purpose in leading Donut far, far away. He can draw it on a napkin.]

Sure, sure. You did bring me something good, I guess.

[glazedonutholes]

[ He waits anxiously as he draws it, taking a closer look here and there while he draws it. ]

Oh! Where do you think I can find silk? And hand cream--Oh! And hair products! Oh gosh! I'm so excited!

[deviledlegs]

[Count to ten, Sanji. And take a deep breath.]

I'd rather not spoil the thrill of the hunt. Why don't you turn it into a game? Give yourself points when you find what you're looking for.

[And with that, he hands over the map. He didn't shout even once. He's so proud of himself.]

[glazedonutholes]

That's a great idea!!!

[ He tells him as he takes the offered napkin as if it's some precious thing and hops around in excitement. ]

Thanks a lot, Mister!

[ And Donut happily runs out in a flurry of excitement leaving behind a purple larkspur, where did that come from? Doesn't matter because he's off to the races in search of his first shop! ]