hadriel | text | lost in translation (misfire)

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text | lost in translation (misfire)

[ late in the evening, the entire network is graced with this bit of pure poetry: ]

HEY ;) ARE YOU UP
WANNA GET WEIRD?

[ caps lock is stuck on. it is apparently not cruise control for cool. also attached is this pic. please enjoy Cash's latest most embarrassing moment. ]

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I'VE HEARD AND SEEN A WHOLE LOT OF THEM ONLINE THAT ARE AWFUL BUT I THINK THE WORST I HEARD IN PERSON WAS:

"I WISH I COULD SEW MYSELF TO YOU"

LIKE WTF

[Frat parties, man.]

HAHAHA GROSS
THE WEIRDEST I GOT WAS "I'D LIKE TO SEE IF YOURE AS SOFT AND WARM AS YOUR NAME"

WOW THAT'S NOT JUST TERRIBLE BUT ALSO SUPER CREEPY BECAUSE OF THE PERSONALIZATION

I WASNT VERY IMPRESSED FOR OBVIOUS REASONS

I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY; IT WAS CREATIVE AND CUSTOMIZED JUST FOR YOU

IS THAT HOW YOU ASKED ASHLEY OUT?

WOW I'D BE INSULTED IF I WEREN'T CHOOSING TO BELIEVE YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS

BUT NO I MADE A GRAND MOVIE-LIKE GESTURE OF DEVOTION AND IT WAS SUPER ROMANTIC AND TRAGIC AND WHATEVER

[That's about as close to the truth as he's actually willing to get and it just so happens it sounds utterly ridiculous enough to be an appropriate response, especially when said somewhat flippantly, for this conversation.]

WOW!
WHAT WOMAN DOESNT LOVE TRAGIC ROMANCE
WERE YOUR PARENTS FROM RIVAL FAMILIES??

WELL MY PARENTS USED A DIFFERENT CELL PHONE PROVIDER THAN HERS; DOES THAT COUNT?

[ she's not even sure what that means ]

YES?

THEN YEAH TOTALLY

IM SWOONING

YOU SHOULD BE I'M SUPER SUAVE

MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE A MATCHMAKER

TOTALLY

PEOPLE TAKE ONE LOOK AT ME AND GO YEAH, THAT LOOKS LIKE A PERSON WHO CAN ADVISE ME ON MY LOVE LIFE

THERE AREN'T THAT MANY PEOPLE HERE

HOW BADLY COULD YOU FUCK IT UP?

HEY I'VE SEEN MATCHMAKING GO PRETTY WRONG AND I'M NOT ABOUT TO GET INVOLVED IN THAT

ARE YOU SPEAKING FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

YOU COULD SAY THAT

Edited 2016-07-19 19:34 (UTC)

TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME

SORRY BUT I'M SO NOT GOING INTO IT; YOU'LL JUST HAVE OT IMAGINE.

TO MAKE IT EVEN MORE MYSTERIOUS, IT WASN'T BAD BECAUSE IT DIDN'T WORK BUT A TOTALLY DIFFERENT REASON.

I'M GOING TO ASK EMILY

THAT WON'T ACCOMPLISH MUCH BUT MAKING HER UNCOMFORTABLE

Edited (someday I'll remember the font code the first time) 2016-07-21 01:57 (UTC)

SOUNDS LIKE WHAT YOU'D SAY IF YOU WERE TRYING TO KEEP ME FROM GETTING DETAILS FROM HER

OR WHAT I'D SAY IF IT'S THE TRUTH

BUT I MEAN SHE'S NOT GOING TO TELL YOU SO IT'S YOUR FUNERAL IF YOU ASK; NOT A PROBLEM FOR ME

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64th - 2016-07-28 05:42 (UTC) - Expand

[text]

thechoiceisyours - 2016-07-30 15:45 (UTC) - Expand

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