hadriel | text | lost in translation (misfire)

Entry tags:

text | lost in translation (misfire)

[ late in the evening, the entire network is graced with this bit of pure poetry: ]

HEY ;) ARE YOU UP
WANNA GET WEIRD?

[ caps lock is stuck on. it is apparently not cruise control for cool. also attached is this pic. please enjoy Cash's latest most embarrassing moment. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

PROBABLY FOR THE BEST.
I'M FLATTERED, BUT I THINK I LACK THE REQUISITE, UM...PARTS.

[That is super vague. Try again, Sans.]

I'M A SKELETON.

??????

HOW ARE YOU NOT A PERSON?

[He switches to video. Sick of typing in Papyrus font anyway.]

I wouldn't say that.

[ she physically startles because she's seen some weird shit BUT HE IS REALLY A SKELETON ]

Whoa.

[ she has questions: ]

Have you always been a skeleton? Where do baby skeletons come from if you don't have all the other parts?

[Sans keeps smiling, because what else are you gonna do? Objectively he's sick of being asked those kinds of questions. Subjectively, he knows he should be used to it, because he keeps hearing them.

So grin and bear it. It's all a big joke anyway.]

I'm a monster, and we're made of magic. It's a thing.

[He shrugs, dismissive, like that's explanation enough.]

[ excuse her for not knowing it's rude to ask someone how they exist! she's curious, ok. ]

Huh.

You must be pissed about the monsters here giving you a bad name.

Yeah, but what can you do? I tried tellin' some jokes, seeing if that got a laugh.

[He pauses as if considering. Then he chuckles.]

They, uh, tried to bite my head off. S'not like I got meat on these bones, you know?

[ she laughs. ok, so he has a point. ] Yeah, humans are probably a little tastier.

I wouldn't know. Doesn't seem to matter to 'em one way or another.

[He shrugs. Kinda used to the comparisons by now.]

This place is fucked up. [ which gives her a chance to bring up her hair. again. Cash flips her long hair over to one side, revealing a small bald spot on the side of her head. ]

See?? Look what Hope did to me. [ DO YOU SEE WHAT A TRAGEDY HER LIFE IS? ]

[Hair. Again with the hair. Humans seem to put an awful lot of weight on something that's basically just extraneous dead skin and keratin. But hey, Aster's never pretended he was an expert on human culture. That was more Alphys's thing.]

Boy. Seems like you really got in a hairy situation.

[ she flips her hair back with a huff. ]

That is not funny.

[ it is, actually. ]

Do you know how long it took to grow my hair this long? Ugh!

Well, we got lotsa people with magic 'round here. Y'sure no one would be willing to help you grow it out some?

[Sans, a simple skeleton without any experience with having hair, ]

I don't trust magic. It's creepy.

Well, it's nice to know you're not prone to sweeping generalizations.

We don't have magic where I'm from. I'm not sure what you want me to think.

I'd say keep an open mind, but, uh...

[He chuckles.]

Eh, it's probably not personal.

[ she frowns. ]

Are you making fun of me?

Me? Never.

[He's still smiling. But to his credit, he never stops smiling.]

I'm just sayin', I get a lotta people who've never met monsters before, or only got bad ideas about what monsters should be. But look at me. I'm changin' minds left and right.

Okay, humor me. Tell me good things about monsters.

We got a great sense of humor. Best jokes you could ask for. And you'll never taste better food than monster food.

[The instant restorative properties don't hurt either.]

Monster food? [ tell her more. ] You guys aren't sandwich people?

[ WHO HAS JOKES NOW? ]

Yeah, s'made of pure magic. Converts instantly to energy once you eat it. Don't have to deal with all that muss and fuss of...what's it you guys do? Digestion?

[Yeesh. Sounds like a real sluggish, messy deal. And humans have a whole room dedicated to just that. Granted, monsters have bathrooms too, but those are exactly what they say they are. Bathrooms. As in, rooms with baths in them, maybe a shower if you're getting fancy. Anything more than that would just be misleading.]

What's wrong with digestion? It converts food to energy. Maybe not instantly but better than the alternative.

Yeah, but then you've got stuff comin' out the other end. Who wants to deal with that?

[He's a skeleton. Where's all that stuff even gonna go? Sounds like way too much of a hassle.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only