hadriel | SECOND SONG ♫ TEXT

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SECOND SONG ♫ TEXT

[ At some time that is far too late for probably anyone to be awake, a message comes across the network.

God, how she's missed being able to text. ]

Have you ever done something you regret? That you're ashamed of?
Maybe it's a lot of things. It is for me.

How do you deal with that now?
Did you find a way to make it better or did you just ignore it until it went away?
(The latter is my strategy. Hasn't worked out so well, let me tell you.)

I have trouble sometimes with it all still.
I try to do better, but...
Trying only gets you so far sometimes.

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I think if there's potential that you'll do it again, you can't regret it all that much, right? Or maybe that thing is worth the regret.

And you want to know how to move the fuck on? You just keep going. You don't stop to blubber, or to moan your mistakes. You accept what you've done, you pick yourself up, and you keep moving forward.

I do regret it. Every time. It's something that happens when I lose control. Which isn't often, I make sure of that. But it's still a worry of what if my emotions are manipulated again, what if I don't know how to stop myself in the heat of the moment again.

I'm trying to. I promised to, actually. But some days are harder than others, I guess. [ Then, after a pause- ] Thanks though. You remind me of a friend I used to have in Haven. He always gave me a good kick in the ass when I needed it.

[ She hopes you're okay wherever you are, Hiruma. ]

[ ...All right, that hits really close to home. Sharon takes her time before responding again. ]

We all need our ass kicked every once in a while. I know I do. [ Plus, sweet flowery bullshit is still just bullshit. It doesn't help. It doesn't put things perspective. It's never realistic. But, what she really wants to touch upon is: ]

But I know what it's like to lose control, for my emotions to get the best of me and... make things happen I don't want to. I don't think I can do anything to help, but you're not... alone, I guess.

Thanks.
It's good to know I'm not alone.

I mean. I hope someday I can get better, but...
It seems like a long shot at this point. I'm starting to forget what I was like before all this.

What happened?

In Haven, there was a doctor named Phillip Kite.
He had a bad habit of using us in his experiments.
He got to me once. He did something to me that I'm still... That I'm still suffering from.

I'm... I hope he paid for what he did.

He did.
I wasn't there for it, but
Someone finally took him down.

Good. [ Though it's a shame Rose didn't get to commit the deed herself. Vengeance may not heal, but it sure does feel fucking good. ]

[ Sometimes, she wonders if Kite didn't lock her into cold storage for the exact reason that it wouldn't be here to take him down. She was just glad to know he was gone at the time, really. ]

Yeah.
But he wasn't even the worst.
I don't know how many more of there were, actually, but Kite was... He was the first of a lot.

Figures. There's always more when it comes to assholes like that. [ There's never an end to the bad. For Sharon, it was Christabella, but Christabella was followed by Claudia, and who will follow in Claudia's place? ] Guess it's a good thing there are people out there that like to fucking murder assholes like that.

Seems like that's the case.
Like there's just infinite tiers of dicketry, honestly.

But yeah, that's a small comfort like that.
If I wouldn't have been who took him down, I sure as Hell was gonna keep trying. And a lot of other people too, so...

[ Not that she puts the gods in the same category as Yao. What they do feel a lot different than the blatant antagonizing of Yao. ]

I wish there were more people willing to try down here, honestly. [ But people become complacent, get used to having things given to them, get used to moments of peace and downtime. No one really wants to rock the boat they're on. ]

[ Rose can understand that. 'Don't bite the hand that feeds' or whatever humans say. She'd done it for years in the ring; it wasn't even her in the end to rise up, but a friend. In Haven, she'd done it because of him. She wanted to be the person that helped any way she could, that helped those who still couldn't help themselves. ]

Well, people only have so much bend before they break.
All it takes is to get passed that point, I think.

See, that's the problem then. Everyone here is mostly complacent. They get what they need, exchange for what they want, suffer a little but come back when they die. They're fine as long as they can keep pretending and playing house, as long as Hope keeps telling them all the right things.

[ She's not bitter, not at all. ]

Some of us don't really have homes to return to though either so... pretending and playing house is about as good as we're gonna get.

I'm suffering a lot less here than I would where I'm from, anyway. So. It's alright. Not ideal, but alright. That's all I need.

[ Rose's text hits the wrong buttons, and Sharon frowns deeply. That sounds too much like approval, like complacency, and that infuriates her. It's no wonder she'll never go home when people like Rose are here. ]

Oh? Well, good for you, then. I'm glad you've got a place you can suffer less in, and play house.

I'm glad too.
I want people to go home if they want to, don't get me wrong, but...
I'm also just not sure I want to take the risk that it's all or none when the only thing left for me anymore is death.

The only thing left for you here, too, is death. Except you have to come back. Over and over.

I'm going to find a way to get me home, and if it's all or none, then it's all or none.

[ Don't mind her, she just refuses to let anyone stand in the way of saving her family. It's nothing against Rosie, she's just emotional. ]

Is that really such a bad thing though?

Well. I can't blame you for that, but I hope you can handle the blood on your hands if that's the case.

[ Rose knows the weight of lives and how crushing they are. She doesn't want that for Sharon, of course, but hopes the other woman realizes what she's implying. ]

I've already got blood on my hands, more than the handful of people here that would die upon returning home. I've got family to save, and if that means I have to raze the whole world, then I will do it.

[ Her feelings on the subject are actually far more complicated than she lets on. There are people here she genuinely cares for, but on a scale, their lives mean nothing in comparison to her father's. Hell, her own life means nothing to her if she can't save him. ]

I can respect your conviction.

I hope you can get what you want without it coming to that though.

Me too. [ But she doesn't believe it to be possible, not anymore. ]

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