[text]

[werewolfing]

So, word on the street from everyone's favorite whiny god is that if we form a group to fight off the monsters when the Door opens instead of making him chase them around, we all get prizes. Or something. You know how these guys are.

Anyway, I'm not a fighter, but I bet there's a bunch of you who are real good at killing things. Maybe you should form a club. I'll provide cookies if I can get my roommate to teach me how to make em.

Comments

[morphinum]

a few things:

1: I am not going to be anyones fucking welcome wagon
2: you better not be shitting me about cookies. I hate a lot of things and shit talkers are most definitely one of them
3: these ""prizes"" better be worth my time
4: IF i do this its not for you or anyone else I've got plenty of my own self interests thanks very much

[werewolfing]

1. nobody said anything about friendliness. this is solely about violence against monsters. probably you shouldn't kill any non-monsters but i don't really give a shit.
2. if somebody teaches me to make cookies there will be cookies. hell yes to cookies.
3. don't look at me i've never gotten any god prizes. ask hope.
4. you are on the whole assuming i give way too many fucks about whether this happens.

[morphinum]

1: good just want to make sure you have appropriate expectations here
2: no ifs ands or buts that's not how we do it here in murdercave city
3: already did and he gave a really shitty answer. might talk to him in the context of monster death but I'm not super optimistic
4: organizing shit implies some level of fucks whether you want people to know that or not

[unmakes]

cookies?? no, dude

think bigger

picture it with me: free booze, one shot per kill

[werewolfing]

if i had the booze i would definitely consider it.

maybe you can talk the gods into that sweet deal.

[unmakes]

assuming i don't have the booze

voice.

[heavyheels]

We had something like that where I was before ... we called it the Watch. People teamed up with partners for regular patrols around the area, to make sure nothing nasty got into the village and hurt people.

[Well ... they tried, anyway.]

voice.

[werewolfing]

In this case it's probably only important when the Door opens, which I guess is what happens when new people show up. Once we're done getting here and being bothered the monsters seem to go away. So...once in a while Watch, I guess.

voice.

[heavyheels]

But - how do you know? Do the monsters have some kind of timer? They could attack people at any time, not just when some Door opens.

text

[krangke]

No.

text

[werewolfing]

there you have it, folks. newt, denier of cookies.

text

[krangke]

I've never had a cookie in my entire life, mate. I have no bloody clue how to make them.

text

[murderpotato]

SURE, WHY THE FUCK NOT

YOU MAKE US FUCKIN SNICKERDOODLES OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER AND WE GO OUT AND KILL MONSTERS FOR A GOD THAT CANT GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER

BECAUSE FUCKIN COOKIES AND A COUPLE OF SHITTY DOOR PRIZES ARE TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE UP FOR SOMETHING BIG AND NASTY WEARIN YOUR GUTS LIKE A HAT

text

[werewolfing]

capslock isn't actually cruise control for cool, my friend.

also, nobody's twisting your arm for door prizes and snickerdoodles. somebody's gotta get shit together, though, because that god who can't stop whining for five seconds is the only thing standing between us and starvation, and i'm kinda into eating on the regular.

text

[murderpotato]

FUCK CAPSLOCK

BULLSHIT ON THE ONLY GOD THING. THE OTHER ONES HAVE TO BE JUST AS FUCKIN INVESTED IN US LIVING BECAUSE IF WE DIE, THEY DONT EAT EITHER. OR WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS THAT THEY DO WITH US, I DONT FUCKIN KNOW HOW IT WORKS

text.

[fervence]

i dont understand the rewards he gave me for killing the monsters in the cave though

and im kind of running low on healing gels right now

[not that he's saying he won't fight the monsters at the door too, he's just... really confused right now okay and missing the days when he had a healer in his party for fights.]

text.

[werewolfing]

well, what are they? show em to the audience here.

text.

[fervence]

hang on a

[there's a bit of a pause, and then the phone is switched to video to reveal a seemingly innocuous food processor and badminton set as the culprits for lloyd's confusion, before switching back over to text with a bit more fumbling.]

i dont know what these are

[unitas]

I've never been in a club, so I wouldn't have the first clue on how to form one. [ and she's shit with people so fuck everyone she'll kill shit on her own ] But cookies are fucking simple.

1 cup peanut butter
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla

So you better get to it.

[werewolfing]

shouldn't there be like flour in there somewhere? also cooking?

[unitas]

350 for ten minutes. If they're not done, add more time, too done, less time on the next batch. Also, they're flourless. These are literally the easiest cookies you could ever make.

[ also super cheap. ]

video

[dragonbite]

Cookies?

[ He looks very interested in this. He got distracted from the rest of the message. ]

Sweet cookies?

video

[werewolfing]

i was thinking spicy cookies, but maybe sweet cookies would be better, you're right.

video

[imobouzu]

If it is fighting to defend others then this Jinbee will gladly help!

video

[werewolfing]

Whoa there, slugger. It'd be like fighting the monsters in the caves, except less in the caves and more right when people show up, cause that's when the monsters show up too.