video;

[deviledlegs]

Hey, all you heavenly angels and cocky asshats! Consider this your very first public service announcement on behalf of everyone's favorite pirate cook, Sanji.

[There he is, blowing cigarette smoke at his phone's camera with that shit-eating grin. All is well, or so it seems.]

I need food wrapping paper and air-tight containers. A shit ton of them.

Each and every lovely lady who has the generosity to go out of her way and deliver some to me will go home with any dish her heart desires so long as I have the ingredients! You other bastards can just be grateful knowing you might not actually starve later.

[He wiggles his fingers in a rather silly goodbye gesture.]

Ciao!

Comments

[glazedonutholes]

But I distinctly heard you say my Heavens. It's totally nice of you to compliment me and all but you don't have too. I'd be happy to help with your food drive. As my mom's always said, a home-cooked meal is a labor of love.

You really must have a lot of love in you Mister.

[deviledlegs]

[LKAJSLDKFJASKLDFMLKSDJFLASDF LKLDFJKKOLKJA]

That-

You-

You!!!!

[Frantic. Angry. Pointing!]

Not you! Not for you! No!

That's-

No!

[glazedonutholes]

Aww. Acting shy now.

Don't worry. Your secrets safe with me.

[ And with a wink, he closes his device. He'll stop by later to drop off some packaging. ]

[deviledlegs]

[Sanji will at least be semi-composed by then. If one of the tables in his commandeered restaurant just happens to be upside down on the other side of the seating area, certainly that's unrelated.]

[glazedonutholes]

[ There's a jingling of the bells and moments later Donut enters all happy and gay. ]

Hiya Mister.

[deviledlegs]

[Sanji is halfway surprised that Emporio Ivankov himself hasn't just forced his way inside. But no, he reminds himself. This guy isn't a pushy lunatic; he's just clueless.

He points to a table with a few random containers piled atop it already, feigning suave nonchalance.]

Right over there.

1/2

[glazedonutholes]

[ Donut looks over at the pointed area and walks over with the bag he brought with him. He sets it on the table ]

I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of spicing up your kitchen supplies while I was at it.

[ He pulls out a box with what looks like... colorful plastic flowers. Some are just squares with cute teddy bear faces on them and the cat ones even have whiskers! ]

Surprise!

They're cute multi-functional reusable silicone covers! They're like saran wrap only better! It's high temperature so you can pop these bad boys into your microwave or oven, no problem. [ He raises a hand in salute. ] And, no added chemicals in your food.

2/2

[glazedonutholes]

[ A hesitant pause as he looks down at the package. ]

But for some reason, all I could find was this lightish red color.

[ Yes, they're all pink. Every single last one of them. ]

I tried looking for another color. But they were all out, even the maroon and orange ones were gone. Sorry about that.

[deviledlegs]

[Funny enough, Sanji has no problem with the color pink. With complete disregard for Donut's dilemma, he's shoving into the guy's space, reaching for one of the covers with a teddy bear imprint. He holds it up into the restaurant's shoddy lighting and tugs at it experimentally.]

Silicone? What's that? These can't be air-tight. Can they?

[At least he's talking again.]

[glazedonutholes]

Oh. Well. [ He takes a moment to think about it. ] I guess it's a rubber-like material resistant to temperature changes.

[ He is from a space-faring canon so silicone is pretty old-school. ]

Sure they can. It's basically saran wrap just better.

[deviledlegs]

[Comparing it to saran wrap doesn't help when he doesn't know what that is either, but he gets the gist of it. Yes. Yes, these ridiculous pink cut-outs are air-tight.

His eyes are sparkling at the possibilities. He just has one more question.]

You said they're "high temperature," but they're also resistant to temperature change.... They'll hold in a freezer too?!

[glazedonutholes]

Well, sure. That's why they're such a hot commodity.

[deviledlegs]

Holy shit! This is so fucking brilliant, I'm even willing to forgive that shitty joke you just pulled!

[Sanji slaps Donut on the back, grinning like he just raised Frankenstein's monster.]

You might've just saved our asses, weirdo!

[glazedonutholes]

What joke? [ Donut just laughs at his antics, pleased that he's happy with his gift. He's always been the best gift giver on Red Team. ] Well, I'm always happy to help your ass.

[deviledlegs]

[Sanji stalls his excitement just long enough to aim "a look" Donut's way.]

That. That joke.

[Then his attention is back where it needs to be: his reward for not chasing Donut off despite his better judgement.]

My ass is perfectly fine without your help. For ladies' eyes only!

[glazedonutholes]

I'm not sure what you're talking about. [ He doesn't. He really doesn't. ] But you're welcome. I'm happy to help.

Now, about these chicks. Do you know where the fun ones are? I'd really like to talk to them.

[deviledlegs]

And why would I hand out the list of gorgeous stunners I've cultivated through hard work and diligence to the competition?

[He asks in all seriousness.]

[glazedonutholes]

Well, for starters, chicks are your best source of finding the best facials. And second, do you know where all the best shopping places are? Because I am in dire need of some silk sheets.

[deviledlegs]

[Excitement waning.]

Do you... know where you are?

[glazedonutholes]

I think Wash called this place Hadriel.

Why? Do you want a tour? I mean, I can put aside my brainstorming for brunch ideas and show you around.

[deviledlegs]

[Insert long-suffering sigh here.]

Sure, there are shops around, but you won't find any shitty silks or whatever crap you wanna put on your face. You probably won't even find proper imitations.

[Apparently people can ask the gods for things, but. Sanji is not about to enlighten Donut to that fact and have him sell his soul for silk sheets.]

[glazedonutholes]

[ Oh, he would too! What's a soul when you're living it up sleeping on silk sheets and hanging out with your friends during wine and cheese hour! But if you were hoping to kill his mood with that you've only succeeded in making him more determined because bestill his heart, did you say shops! As in plural!!! You bet your ass he can make it work! ]

What shops? You know I'm a bargain shopper and a true believer of DIY!

[deviledlegs]

Shitty shops full of random crap just like where you found the silicone covers.

[He... He did find them in one of the shops, didn't he? Did someone else find them and just hand them to the guy? Is Sanji giving Donut too much credit?]

Any DIY knowledge is going to come in handy for you, but there's no point in bargaining when there isn't anyone minding the shops.

[He waves the very idea aside. After all, there's no currency either. Bartering is as close as anyone seems to have gotten to an economy here.]

If you can make something useful with your weird ass crafts, you should be fine.

[glazedonutholes]

You mean! I CAN TAKE WHATEVER I WANT?!!!

[ oOOH Boy. This is too much for his little heart. It's about to burst with excitement as he looks back and forth trying to find these mythical free shops. ]

Where are they?!!

[ And he goes up to grab him by the hands to plead his case. ]

You gotta tell me, Mister!!!

[deviledlegs]

[LKAJSLDFASFTOOCLOSE

Sanji pulls back as far as he can with his hands in some other dude's hands (sob!). Why can't this nutcase be a beautiful woman???]

They're on most of the islands! I'll draw you a map or something, so let go!