hadriel | 001 | (this is so not what she) texted

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001 | (this is so not what she) texted

[ hey, look, it's a picture of a brightly colored phallic fruit from Sorrow's orchard. it's laid out on a cutting board next to a second brightly colored phallic fruit that has been cut into, and clearly chewed up and spit out. next, is a selfie of ashley, her nose wrinkled in disgust. ]

The only room this 'fruit' could possibly be used in is the bedroom!!!

Y U C K

[ and several minutes after the post occurs, out in hadriel, in the ud house, ashley screams in horror. that was not at all what she wrote. someone save her. call ghostbusters! burn the phone! oh god, or maybe just kill her! ]

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[ Oh, Chris. Chris, is that laughter? She sees those shoulders shaking, and oh my gosh, you jerk. She's stomping into the kitchen. What's she doing? No one—Oh, watch out!

There is a brightly colored phallic fruit (BCPF, for short) flying at him, and before the second one even hits its target, she's tossing the second BCPF at him. She hopes he gets some BCPF in his coffee! ]

[HEY.

He totally doesn't look up in time to dodge either of them, instead just making an undignified noise of alarm and flailing when they bounce off him but somehow avoiding spilling his coffee. That's the important thing here, after all.]

Ash!

[Said as if this was the most offensive thing she could've ever done. He follows it up with a just as--fakely--scandalized:]

It's really irresponsible to like, waste food.

Edited 2016-07-12 21:07 (UTC)

[ Ashley huffs, grabs a couch cushion, and swings it at him. PREPARE TO DUEL! ]

Eat sofa!

[Rude, Ashley, and he scrambles out of the way ungracefully but manages to grab one of the fruit off the floor in the process. Coffee still in one hand, he tosses the fruit lightly at her in retaliation.]

Suggestive and apparently really disgusting fruit, protect me!

[ She shrieks, and bats away the offensive fruit. It lands with a sad double flop on the floor, and she then tosses her cushion, aiming low for the coffee; the throw is accompanied by a vaguely Xena style yell. She must take out his source of strength, and energy, clearly! ]

[Chris is suddenly really questioning both what that fruit is made of and what in the world made Ashley think she should try eating it, but those are issues for a time when his coffee isn't under attack. He reflexively raises it out of the way of the cushion--he so doesn't want to clean coffee out of the carpet--but that just means the cushion hits him in the stomach instead.

It doesn't really hurt or anything, but Chris makes a dramatic show of collapsing to his knees and then flopping over sideways on the ground. Of course, he is very careful to keep his coffee mug upright, setting it gently on the floor in a purposefully ridiculous contrast to the rest of his reaction.]

[ Ashley laughs. She doesn't mean to, but she does, and then she stands like she's triumphant over him. She's slain her boyfriend, the traitor who laughed at her clearly most horrifying experience. ]

Such a shame he had to die without finishing his coffee. [ She steps over him, grinning, and then reaches down to pluck the coffee mug up off the floor to take a drink. ]

Spoils to the victor!

[He so can't keep a straight, fake-dead face when she laughs, instead opening his eyes and grinning just in time to see her claim her victory coffee.]

Just for that you're so going to be haunted by an under-caffeinated ghost.

[And then, in a terrible spooky-ghost voice:]

AAAAaashleeeeey I need my coooOOOffeeeeee~!

Oh, no, whatever shall I do? [ She fakes a southern accent—horribly, mind you—and then takes another drink of the coffee. ] I suppose I'll have to call ghostbusters, and have them take care of my dead, coffee addicted boyfriend!

[ but then, with her other hand, she reaches down to help pull him up. ] Or maybe I could just find a phoenix down, or... [ she offers him his mug back ] Would coffee and a kiss bring him back?

[He accepts the help up, getting to his feet and taking the coffee when offered with his free hand, but just shifts the other in her grasp a little to instead lace their fingers together.]

I mean, I dunno, but it wouldn't hurt to try right?

[The phoenix down might be more reliable most of the time, but he's pretty sure in this situation a kiss is a more than acceptable substitute.]

[ She beams, cheeks flushing. It's moments like these where her heart beats a little faster, and she feels like the rest of the world melts away. It's like every piece of her becomes heated, excited just by being in his presence. ]

No, I guess it wouldn't. [ She stares into his eyes, and then they drop to his lips. She leans forward, tip-toeing to reach, and presses her lips against his, chaste, but lingering. For all of the bad moments they've had here, for the occasional fight, or argument, it all becomes worth it when she's connecting with him.

There is no cure to this place, but Chris comes close. ]

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001 | (this is so not what she) texted

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