001 | (this is so not what she) texted

[cowardley]

[ hey, look, it's a picture of a brightly colored phallic fruit from Sorrow's orchard.  it's laid out  on a cutting board next to a second brightly colored phallic fruit that has been cut into, and clearly chewed up and spit out.  next, is a selfie of ashley, her nose wrinkled in disgust. ]

The only room this 'fruit' could possibly be used in is the bedroom!!!  
Y U C K

[ and several minutes after the post occurs, out in hadriel, in the ud house, ashley screams in horror. that was not at all what she wrote. someone save her. call ghostbusters! burn the phone!  oh god, or maybe just kill her! ]

Comments

[Action]

[thechoiceisyours]

[Chris is in the living room drinking coffee when this post appears on the network, and reads it a moment later. He can then be found with his phone and glasses sitting next to him, face buried in his hands, silently laughing so hard he may be crying. Sorry Ashley; this is not nearly as embarrassing as it is funny, because it's really funny.

Feel free to hit him with a couch cushion or something, just don't spill the coffee.]

[Action]

[cowardley]

[ Oh, Chris. Chris, is that laughter? She sees those shoulders shaking, and oh my gosh, you jerk. She's stomping into the kitchen. What's she doing? No one—Oh, watch out!

There is a brightly colored phallic fruit (BCPF, for short) flying at him, and before the second one even hits its target, she's tossing the second BCPF at him. She hopes he gets some BCPF in his coffee! ]

[kickingand]

dɐɹɔ uǝpɹɐƃ sᴉɥʇ ɥʇᴉʍ sǝʌᴉʇoɯ ɹoᴉɹǝʇln pɐɥ ʍoɹɹos ʍǝuʞ

[Action]

[thechoiceisyours]

[HEY.

He totally doesn't look up in time to dodge either of them, instead just making an undignified noise of alarm and flailing when they bounce off him but somehow avoiding spilling his coffee. That's the important thing here, after all.]

Ash!

[Said as if this was the most offensive thing she could've ever done. He follows it up with a just as--fakely--scandalized:]

It's really irresponsible to like, waste food.

[cowardley]

[ Ashley squints, after she finally accrues enough courage to finally dare a peak at the possible replies. ]

Why... Uh, your text is upside down? I can read it, and... [ and gross, don't imply something like that!! ] No, no, don't say things like that!

audio

[kickingand]

[ Just gonna throw his phone across the room!!! Fine, he'll turn to audio and-- ]

[ beep] this [ beep. ], I swear to [ beep. ]

But hey, why not? Fruit like that, I mean c'mon.

[Action]

[cowardley]

[ Ashley huffs, grabs a couch cushion, and swings it at him. PREPARE TO DUEL! ]

Eat sofa!

audio

[cowardley]

[ she'd wonder what that last beep was if not for fact that his next set of words is a little mortifying. ]

Oh my gosh. [ her voice edges towards shrill. she's lucky this is audio because her cheeks and ears are a beet red. ] You—You can't just say things like that! I mean, sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of or anything, solo or otherwise, and I'm not ashamed of anything, but this is, like, public.

[ which is to say the whole world can read literally everything and she just wants to disappear. ]

[pellameno]

So I guess we shouldn't can that one?

[cowardley]

[ can she delete herself off the network? ]

You could, but I would definitely recommend against it! It tastes a lot like... what you imagine evil would taste like if they turned it into a brightly colored fruit. It tastes like darkness, and evil.

[ which is to say really, really gross. people would make challenge videos on the internet with this fruit. ]

[pellameno]

If it's not worth eating, it's not worth the trouble. I'm sorry you had to taste... darkness and evil.

You're one of the testers?

[action]

[unfollowing]

[Emily has not seen this post on the network (she is busy sketching okay there are more important things leave her alone), so when she hears Ashley scream, she runs over to her, pencil in hand for optimal stabbing.]

Ash, what's going on?

[There doesn't seem to be anything wrong. Nothing is in here attacking her. Emily lowers the pencil and frowns at her.]

What happened?

[cowardley]

Me too.

I'm not a tester, actually. I was cutting it up for, uh, fabric dying purposes, and got curious. [ and she regrets every ounce of that curiosity. damn her curiosity, damn it to hell! ]

[pellameno]

I see. You know Emily, then?

[action]

[cowardley]

[ Ashley taps her finger against the screen of her phone, desperate. There's no delete button. Oh god, there's no delete! Her stomach flips. The whole world will see this, and she didn't even... ]

I didn't even type this, Em, and it [ she punctuates each following word with a rapid tap at her screen ] won't [ tap ] delete! [ tap tap tap! ]

[ She could cry right now. ]

[cowardley]

I do! We're friends from home. I'm guessing you know all about Emily's plan to bring fashion to Hadriel, right?

[ Em has, and likely always wil be, ambitious. And when the other woman wants something, she doesn't stop until she gets it. ]

[pellameno]

Yes, I've been helping her in the shop. I used to make my own clothes back home.

[cowardley]

Oh, oh! Are you, uh, Pell? [ that is one of the people Emily has mentioned, isn't it? ] I'm really glad there are people out here that can help her with this way more than I can.

[ Really. She... she doesn't touch the sewing supplies. She's not quite as accident prone as her boyfriend, but man does she have a habit of pricking her fingers and leaving tiny blood spots everywhere. ]

[pellameno]

That's me. What's your name?

[cowardley]

I'm Ashley, though most of my friends just call me Ash. It's nice to speak with you, Pell.

[pellameno]

As much as this is speaking. I'm still not used to these devices.

Do you need any help experimenting with things for dye?

[Action]

[thechoiceisyours]

[Rude, Ashley, and he scrambles out of the way ungracefully but manages to grab one of the fruit off the floor in the process. Coffee still in one hand, he tosses the fruit lightly at her in retaliation.]

Suggestive and apparently really disgusting fruit, protect me!

[perma action]

[unfollowing]

[Wait.] Whatt are you freaking out about?

[Emily stalks over, peering over Ashley's shoulder at the post.]

Ash, seriously? Fruit dick pics?

text;

[strangelic]

What possible use would you have for it in the bedroom?

text even though he's totally right upstairs

[pighead]

nice

im saving this text