001 | (this is so not what she) texted

[cowardley]

[ hey, look, it's a picture of a brightly colored phallic fruit from Sorrow's orchard.  it's laid out  on a cutting board next to a second brightly colored phallic fruit that has been cut into, and clearly chewed up and spit out.  next, is a selfie of ashley, her nose wrinkled in disgust. ]

The only room this 'fruit' could possibly be used in is the bedroom!!!  
Y U C K

[ and several minutes after the post occurs, out in hadriel, in the ud house, ashley screams in horror. that was not at all what she wrote. someone save her. call ghostbusters! burn the phone!  oh god, or maybe just kill her! ]

Comments

[Action]

[thechoiceisyours]

[Chris is in the living room drinking coffee when this post appears on the network, and reads it a moment later. He can then be found with his phone and glasses sitting next to him, face buried in his hands, silently laughing so hard he may be crying. Sorry Ashley; this is not nearly as embarrassing as it is funny, because it's really funny.

Feel free to hit him with a couch cushion or something, just don't spill the coffee.]

[Action]

[cowardley]

[ Oh, Chris. Chris, is that laughter? She sees those shoulders shaking, and oh my gosh, you jerk. She's stomping into the kitchen. What's she doing? No one—Oh, watch out!

There is a brightly colored phallic fruit (BCPF, for short) flying at him, and before the second one even hits its target, she's tossing the second BCPF at him. She hopes he gets some BCPF in his coffee! ]

[Action]

[thechoiceisyours]

[HEY.

He totally doesn't look up in time to dodge either of them, instead just making an undignified noise of alarm and flailing when they bounce off him but somehow avoiding spilling his coffee. That's the important thing here, after all.]

Ash!

[Said as if this was the most offensive thing she could've ever done. He follows it up with a just as--fakely--scandalized:]

It's really irresponsible to like, waste food.

[kickingand]

dɐɹɔ uǝpɹɐƃ sᴉɥʇ ɥʇᴉʍ sǝʌᴉʇoɯ ɹoᴉɹǝʇln pɐɥ ʍoɹɹos ʍǝuʞ

[cowardley]

[ Ashley squints, after she finally accrues enough courage to finally dare a peak at the possible replies. ]

Why... Uh, your text is upside down? I can read it, and... [ and gross, don't imply something like that!! ] No, no, don't say things like that!

audio

[kickingand]

[ Just gonna throw his phone across the room!!! Fine, he'll turn to audio and-- ]

[ beep] this [ beep. ], I swear to [ beep. ]

But hey, why not? Fruit like that, I mean c'mon.

[pellameno]

So I guess we shouldn't can that one?

[cowardley]

[ can she delete herself off the network? ]

You could, but I would definitely recommend against it! It tastes a lot like... what you imagine evil would taste like if they turned it into a brightly colored fruit. It tastes like darkness, and evil.

[ which is to say really, really gross. people would make challenge videos on the internet with this fruit. ]

[pellameno]

If it's not worth eating, it's not worth the trouble. I'm sorry you had to taste... darkness and evil.

You're one of the testers?

[blowyoudown]

Clearly you haven't tasted either.

[action]

[unfollowing]

[Emily has not seen this post on the network (she is busy sketching okay there are more important things leave her alone), so when she hears Ashley scream, she runs over to her, pencil in hand for optimal stabbing.]

Ash, what's going on?

[There doesn't seem to be anything wrong. Nothing is in here attacking her. Emily lowers the pencil and frowns at her.]

What happened?

[action]

[cowardley]

[ Ashley taps her finger against the screen of her phone, desperate. There's no delete button. Oh god, there's no delete! Her stomach flips. The whole world will see this, and she didn't even... ]

I didn't even type this, Em, and it [ she punctuates each following word with a rapid tap at her screen ] won't [ tap ] delete! [ tap tap tap! ]

[ She could cry right now. ]

[perma action]

[unfollowing]

[Wait.] Whatt are you freaking out about?

[Emily stalks over, peering over Ashley's shoulder at the post.]

Ash, seriously? Fruit dick pics?

text;

[strangelic]

What possible use would you have for it in the bedroom?

text;

[cowardley]

Uh... I don't want to... Look, did you know that you're sending blank texts?

Or is that..? [ o-oh. it's in white, isn't it? look, she's so not answering that question. ] Your texts are coming in white. You might want to change the font color...

[ unless he can't because all their phones have been hacked ]

text even though he's totally right upstairs

[pighead]

nice

im saving this text

[cowardley]

I know where you sleep, Joshua Washington! [ she will come into his room, and steal his phone. don't you dare tempt her!! ]

video

[skelebro]

[That's a skeleton. Just, you know, casually eyeing this text with his typical lazy grin.]

Yeah, I hear they're really good for propping up broken bedframe legs and stuff.

video

[cowardley]

[ hello there skelebro. he's a little unnerving to look at, but she's friends with a giant hedgehog that talks so... ]

...Y-Yeah, bed propping. [ it seems video gives her a dog filter what is life anymore. ] ...if you need a quick fix, and don't mind rotting fruit.

[ and dear god the idea of what it could smell like rotting makes her stomach churn. someone burn this plant to the ground and give her grape vines. ]

text; 1/2

[verinumeri]

c0ck 700l5 pu7 chl0r1n3 1n r3c0rd p00l5
4r3 7h3r3 4ny0n3 l1k3 y4 (h3ll n4w!!)
1 7r347 hum4n5 l1k3 57ud3n75 (f41l y'4ll)

[verinumeri]

[ When he sees what's gone through, Hermann almost has a heart attack, and slaps at the phone for ten seconds in a panicked spasm before he can get a video going.

It has this filter, which is especially unfortunate given how big his mouth already is, but-- ]

I apologize! I don't, I don't even know what that means!

[ ...well, he can read the leetspea, but he doesn't know the content. ]

[64th]

I wouldn't bite, guys don't usually like that.

I knew a guy who did like a little teeth, though

[cowardley]

[ Cash. She flushes, even though the other woman can't see it. ]

Well, that's... I guess that's good to know.

But I can't imagine why anyone would like a little teeth during... that. [ she's a little curious, negl. ]

[casperdisaster]

so where did you find it? asking for a friend

[cowardley]

If it's not a joke, the orchard, but everyone should know that fruits and vegetables belong in kitchens not people!