001 | (this is so not what she) texted

[cowardley]

[ hey, look, it's a picture of a brightly colored phallic fruit from Sorrow's orchard.  it's laid out  on a cutting board next to a second brightly colored phallic fruit that has been cut into, and clearly chewed up and spit out.  next, is a selfie of ashley, her nose wrinkled in disgust. ]

The only room this 'fruit' could possibly be used in is the bedroom!!!  
Y U C K

[ and several minutes after the post occurs, out in hadriel, in the ud house, ashley screams in horror. that was not at all what she wrote. someone save her. call ghostbusters! burn the phone!  oh god, or maybe just kill her! ]

Comments

audio

[cowardley]

[ Is that... That sounds like a... ]

...Are you singing Britney Spears? [ There's a bubble of laughter trapped in her throat. It's not really what she expected when she got the message. She's starting to wonder if someone has somehow inserted Josh Washington into the phones, or gave him supreme troll access. ]

audio

[strangelic]

I'm not singing anything.

[ He doesn't actually know anything about this, either.]

Is there something that you want to tell me? Is there something that I ought to know?

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[cowardley]

You, uh... [ what does she do?? what does she say?? ] I'm really sorry to have to be the one to inform you of this, but you are totally singing. Like a bird. That listens to Britney Spears.

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[strangelic]

I don't know what a Britney spear is. And I don't sing. I'm rather tuneless, actually.

[ He almost takes offense at 'like a bird', but then realizes it's accurate. Birds do sing. It has nothing to do with his wings. ]

But you can't hear me; you can't hear me.