001 | (this is so not what she) texted

[cowardley]

[ hey, look, it's a picture of a brightly colored phallic fruit from Sorrow's orchard.  it's laid out  on a cutting board next to a second brightly colored phallic fruit that has been cut into, and clearly chewed up and spit out.  next, is a selfie of ashley, her nose wrinkled in disgust. ]

The only room this 'fruit' could possibly be used in is the bedroom!!!  
Y U C K

[ and several minutes after the post occurs, out in hadriel, in the ud house, ashley screams in horror. that was not at all what she wrote. someone save her. call ghostbusters! burn the phone!  oh god, or maybe just kill her! ]

Comments

[blowyoudown]

[He can only shrug.]

Spite, for the most part. The goblins and soldiers were taking my actual food and not replacing it. So I had a bit of a grudge and started fucking them up where I could.

The dragon was... just because, honestly.

[cowardley]

...I've got to know, you don't really look like someone who could eat a dragon, so how? [ Even with the filter on, you still mostly just look human. ] Are dragons not gigantic where you're from?

[ because in her mind's eye, they're huge creatures that breathe flame. how does anyone just eat one. ]

[blowyoudown]

Well, I certainly didn't look like this at the time. [With a sweeping gesture at his general self. There's a slight smirk as he continues.] I'm actually the Big Bad Wolf.

[cowardley]

...The Big Bad Wolf? [ O...k. That's new. A bit of disbelief. ] Like from the fairytale?

[ and in all the stories, he's never eating dragons or goblins, just trying to eat little old ladies and their granddaughters. ]

[blowyoudown]

The fairytales you grew up on won't have the story right. I had a life before I tried eating Red and the pigs, y'know.

[But he hears that disbelief, and he raises an eyebrow.]

I could prove it, if you like.