hadriel | 001 | (this is so not what she) texted

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001 | (this is so not what she) texted

[ hey, look, it's a picture of a brightly colored phallic fruit from Sorrow's orchard. it's laid out on a cutting board next to a second brightly colored phallic fruit that has been cut into, and clearly chewed up and spit out. next, is a selfie of ashley, her nose wrinkled in disgust. ]

The only room this 'fruit' could possibly be used in is the bedroom!!!

Y U C K

[ and several minutes after the post occurs, out in hadriel, in the ud house, ashley screams in horror. that was not at all what she wrote. someone save her. call ghostbusters! burn the phone! oh god, or maybe just kill her! ]

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That'd be a pretty fruitless endeavor.

[Clearly she seems kind of uncomfortable so the solution? Make jokes. Jokes always lighten the mood.]

[ did he just...? oh. she tries to keep from smiling, but it blooms on her face despite herself. ]

I don't want to peach, but that was a terrible pun. [ obviously not that bad. ]

[There, see? Jokes make everything better. Sans winks.]

Hey, thanks. I try.

Anyway, I wouldn't take it personally. Seems things are going wrong all over the city when it comes to these little thingymaboppers.

[ it's a little strange to see a skeleton wink, wow. ]

Yeah, I think I'm starting to see that. [ as she speaks, a dog tongue rolls out of her mouth to lick the screen before it disappears. excuse me! ...okay, it's cute, she can live with this. ]

I wonder if maybe our devices have been hacked? I can't really see any of the gods doing something this silly. [ even though it is a little annoying at times. ]

[He stopped resorting to text since his phone started typing solely in papyrus font, which just seemed unnecessarily cruel. Still, that probably means something is gonna start messing with his video or audio interfaces soon enough.]

Maybe it's Delight having a laugh. Or maybe some techie messed with the signal.

[Really, all he's got are theories. It's a minor inconvenience at best.]

This seems more annoying than delightful, right? [ though, some people—she's looking at her boyfriend in particular—seem to be having a ball. ]

I might uninstall a few of the apps people have created to see if that might fix the issue. [ just in case, not that she doesn't trust the creators (after all, one of them is her boyfriend), but it's important to check. ]

Might not be able to get 'em back till this is all sorted, if that ain't the case.

[Granted, he hasn't made a lot of attempts to sort this tech out himself and really properly understand it. That's more Hermann's department, he's into that sort of thing.]

[ Hmm, he has a point, but... ] I can live without a clock, and pong for a couple of days if so, but I'd rather try and make certain our tampering hasn't fudged something.

It seems pretty...universal, but I guess it'd be worth a shot.

[After all, he's new. What woudl he know? He shrugs his bony shoulders.]

Don't think we've met. I'm Sans. Sans the skeleton.

[ It's better safe than sorry, in her opinion. Plus, it can't ever hurt to check. ]

Sans. [ She repeats his name, cementing it in her head. She doesn't think she'll forget his name, or face; he's the only skeleton she's ever seen. ] I'm Ashley, or Ash for short, the human.

[ In case that wasn't totally obvious. She is one of those kind of awkward humans. ] It's kind of cool to be talking to a skeleton.

[He figured human from the get-go, but it's nice to get confirmation. He learned a long time ago that not everything that looks human necessarily will be. 'Course, there's the whole credibility issue there, but he can't just go around doubting people immediately all the time. That sounds exhausting, and also untenable in the long-term.]

Pleased to meet'cha. I'm assuming the dog ears aren't hereditary.

[That's a real kick in the pants, though.]

Ah, nope! I'm guessing it's a... [ she moves a hand in front of her face, blocking the view of the face recognition software, displacing the ears and furry nose for a brief moment before she drops her hand. ] ...a silly filter, or something.

[ but it's pretty cute, and not at all bothersome, so Ash finds that it's hard to complain about. ] But I'd be a cute dog-human hybrid.

Hey, you'd be surprised how many of those you're likely to find where I come from. Or, uh, dogs and humans separately. Not so much together. But, you know, there's room for everything.

[They'd make a hell of a mishmash if they ever got to...okay, no, he's not going there. That's not his area.]

I like to imagine they'd be a natural species without the... you know, interbreeding. [ like the cat species from that open world video game that everyone used to obsess over in her world (including her, she lost many an hour to that damned virtual world). ]

But, uh, I'm kind of curious, what kind of world do you come from? We don't really have talking skeletons where I'm from. [ Or not that she's seen. If there are wendigos, then who knows what else the world may hold. ]

[He walked right into that one, didn't he? Welp.]

Underground place, not so different from this one. 'Cept it's full of monsters, which, uh, contrary to popular belief, are generally a pretty understanding species. We got all sorts of different types.

So, it's like a city of monsters? [ for some reason, using the word monster to describe a group of people (monstrous or not) feels a little wrong to Ashley (there's a little bit of tumblr in this one). ] And they're not like the monsters in the caves here, right?

[ She's got a ton of questions already lined up in her head, clearly curious rather than judgemental. Other worlds are fascinating, and it's why she's always loved a good fantasy, or science fiction novel. ]

Nope. They're just people, like you or me.

[Honestly, the alacrity with which tons of people seem to define anything remotely hostile as a "monster" is a little unnerving but...eh, minute differences across worlds, and all that.]

Got sealed Underground a long while ago, so we all live there now.

[Or "lived"? Nah, no need to bother with past tense. Would raise too many questions.]

So, not really monsters, just different. [ Sure, it's easy to look at someone like Sans and immediately think monster, but monsters are things out to get you, to hurt you. The wendigo was a monster, the giant trolls are monsters, Josh as the Psycho was a monster, but not thinking creatures, no matter how alien. ]

...And I'm guessing it's because you guys are... different, right?

Pretty much. There was this whole war.

[He shrugs. Not really one to get into the politics of that. Politics are awfully boring.]

"Monster" is just a species, back home. Like human, or, you know. Dog.

[Except there's still that overlap. Dogs can be monsters, but monsters can't always be dogs. Or something like that.]

...And they shoved you all underground? That seems cruel. [ but war is cruel, as are the politics that tend to run wars. her nose wrinkles. ]

So, I guess the word doesn't have the same sort of connotations it does where I'm from, then? I mean, we use the word to describe... awful, terrible people—people that have done something reprehensible, a way to make us feel like they're not a part of our own species.

I mean, that's not to say humans on the surface use the word the same. I wouldn't know.

[Been out of human culture for a while, let's just say.]

I wasn't around for the whole shebang, so I dunno how it really went down. Before my time. Human relations are just kind of a big part of our history.

So, does that mean you never met any humans before coming here?

Few and far between. And I think they were pretty much on the tail-end of the bell-curve.

[One, maybe two if he's feeling generous. But he doubts that spatiotemporal manipulation is a typical thing for the human race. If it was, there'd be a lot more kerfuffle.]

...So, is everyone where you're from, uhm, like you? [ She's really not 100% sure how to ask about it, to be honest. ] Uh, skeletal, I mean.

Nah, just me 'n my bro.

[They're the only two that...

Well.

It's best not to think about it.]

Most everyone's some kinda monster, though. We got ghosts, we got singing robots, we even got a one-eyed fish who kicks everyone's butt when she's feeling up to it - so all the time, basically.