001 | (this is so not what she) texted

[cowardley]

[ hey, look, it's a picture of a brightly colored phallic fruit from Sorrow's orchard.  it's laid out  on a cutting board next to a second brightly colored phallic fruit that has been cut into, and clearly chewed up and spit out.  next, is a selfie of ashley, her nose wrinkled in disgust. ]

The only room this 'fruit' could possibly be used in is the bedroom!!!  
Y U C K

[ and several minutes after the post occurs, out in hadriel, in the ud house, ashley screams in horror. that was not at all what she wrote. someone save her. call ghostbusters! burn the phone!  oh god, or maybe just kill her! ]

Comments

[pellameno]

So I guess we shouldn't can that one?

[cowardley]

[ can she delete herself off the network? ]

You could, but I would definitely recommend against it! It tastes a lot like... what you imagine evil would taste like if they turned it into a brightly colored fruit. It tastes like darkness, and evil.

[ which is to say really, really gross. people would make challenge videos on the internet with this fruit. ]

[pellameno]

If it's not worth eating, it's not worth the trouble. I'm sorry you had to taste... darkness and evil.

You're one of the testers?

[cowardley]

Me too.

I'm not a tester, actually. I was cutting it up for, uh, fabric dying purposes, and got curious. [ and she regrets every ounce of that curiosity. damn her curiosity, damn it to hell! ]

[pellameno]

I see. You know Emily, then?

[cowardley]

I do! We're friends from home. I'm guessing you know all about Emily's plan to bring fashion to Hadriel, right?

[ Em has, and likely always wil be, ambitious. And when the other woman wants something, she doesn't stop until she gets it. ]

[pellameno]

Yes, I've been helping her in the shop. I used to make my own clothes back home.

[cowardley]

Oh, oh! Are you, uh, Pell? [ that is one of the people Emily has mentioned, isn't it? ] I'm really glad there are people out here that can help her with this way more than I can.

[ Really. She... she doesn't touch the sewing supplies. She's not quite as accident prone as her boyfriend, but man does she have a habit of pricking her fingers and leaving tiny blood spots everywhere. ]

[pellameno]

That's me. What's your name?

[cowardley]

I'm Ashley, though most of my friends just call me Ash. It's nice to speak with you, Pell.

[pellameno]

As much as this is speaking. I'm still not used to these devices.

Do you need any help experimenting with things for dye?

[cowardley]

I wouldn't want you to have too much on your plate, but... [ experimenting with the dyes is a fairly time consuming effort, so many little things to keep track of. ] I could use the help, for sure. There are so many variables, and to get the exact color, both time and the solution we're soaking the fabric in has to be precise each time.

[ it's quite a messy, time consuming process. ]

[pellameno]

I think I'd be good at that, actually. And I've got spare time.

May I come by? I've been over before, if you live with Emily and Chris.

[cowardley]

Oh, yeah, sure. You've already got the address, so just pop on in. Uhm, as long as you don't mind the mess in the kitchen.

[ forewarning him of her disastrous mess of fruits, vegetables, and boiling pots of water and vinegar (there's definitely a distinct tang to the air of the house, something she's sure her housemates aren't a fan of). ]

[blowyoudown]

Clearly you haven't tasted either.

[cowardley]

...Do I want to know?

[ because if it tastes worse than that abomination of fruit, then... she'll avoid that. food packages marked EVIL or DARKNESS will be avoided in the future, clearly. ]

[blowyoudown]

[Give him a few minutes as he goes to the Orchard and tries some for himself.]

...okay I'll admit this is actually pretty similar. less woody, though. 'evil' tastes...tainted. like you just bit into a half-frozen lump of charcoal soaked in vinegar.

[cowardley]

Oh, wow, that sounds really... [ she can imagine the taste, especially if there was even an ounce of similarity between the fruit (or is it a vegetable, she should know the distinctions) and aforementioned evil. ]

I gotta know, uhm, when did you taste evil?

[blowyoudown]

[I've got a long history.

That's what he types, at least.]

when I ate ur mom out last week

video

[cowardley]

[ she was going to type out a response, but how do you respond to something like that? it's (hopefully, please please) just the gods, or a virus of some kind, messing with them, but still.

so, she switches to video. sure, a filter or two may pop up, but she'd like to avoid texting someone and having it come up with something out of the Exorcist. but, uh, her face has kind of been swapped with what looks like the seedy inside of that phallic looking fruit. and, far in the background, ashley's face is stuck talking on a the dick fruit. ]

I, uh, I'm going to guess that's not what you meant to send, right?

Video

[blowyoudown]

[It takes him a moment to set up a video in kind, and the filter effect catches him completely off-guard. Tech's not that good when he's from, so it's just a bit of a surprise. But he can roll with that.

Bigby's video display has the puppy filter, but the effects are darker and pointier; one could say wolfish, in fact. His expression is mildly distasteful as he reads what got sent.]

Absolutely not. I was trying to say that I've got a pretty long history. Some of it involves devouring evil shit.

Video

[cowardley]

[ Oh Bigby, what a perfect filter for you! Ashley grins—or the phallic fruit in the background grins while Ashley's face continues to look seedy and fleshy and just... strange. ]

You know, that's way off from what you were trying to say. [ a beat, and then: ] Soo, what kind of evil... things have you eaten?

[blowyoudown]

[Not a curser, Ash? That's adorable.

A hand comes into sight as Bigby counts off on his fingers.]

Let's see, uh... a lot of wooden soldiers, goblins, couple of armies, a dragon... [The hand drops back out of sight.] You look like you've heard of Bloody Mary. Ate her too.

[cowardley]

[ She'll curse in the right situation, but, for the most part, she likes to keep her mouth clean. Luckily, she doesn't have a problem with potty mouths (her friend is Emily whose favorite word may or may not be bitch). ]

Wait, really? Like a real dragon? And real goblins? [ Ashley both sounds, and looks positively intrigued. Look, she grew up with a book in her face, so all of this sounds just like the absolute coolest thing. ]

Why do you eat them if they taste so bad?

[blowyoudown]

[He can only shrug.]

Spite, for the most part. The goblins and soldiers were taking my actual food and not replacing it. So I had a bit of a grudge and started fucking them up where I could.

The dragon was... just because, honestly.