hadriel | two ; text

Entry tags:

two ; text

hey guys im here today to talk about a subject thats really important to all of us

safe sex

remember to always wrap it before you tap it

so has anyone found any condoms here because i have some buds who really need to get laid and im trying to look out for them

no glove no love my friends

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

not the job my parents dreamed of but clearly what i was meant to do

im just exploding with ideas and double entendres

I mean I sold ammunition and high quality weaponry but I can see myself taking a quick sidestep into condom city.

I also really like how we're both pretending that people are going to need condoms, it totally makes everything even funnier. I mean, we all know that nobody is actually getting laid here.

Right?

oh

bro...

its ok i have a phd in wingmanning for awkward nerds so i got your back whenever you need it

[Okay he can't just watch these terrible conversations anymore.]

Dude no offense but you are legit the worst wingman in history.

am i though

you have a girlfriend now

check and mate

You so don't get credit for that

In fact I think you get anti-credit

If that's not a thing it is now

what? no way you cant just take credit away

i was rooting for you man

we all were

Dude

No

You lost all your credit points for cheating

alls fair in love and war

that's like CLASSIC

Pretty sure that's only for the people actually involved, bro

Unless there's like, something you want to share to me or Ash

ok i was gonna go for a joke about sharing and threesomes right here but then it got a little weird

[He knows your games, bro.]

I think I'm gonna count this as my win, then

Which means I don't have to poison your coffee so really we both win

ok fair thats a win for both of us

please dont poison my coffee i need it

Fine fine your coffee's safe from me

No promises about Ash when she sees this though

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pighead - 2016-05-28 05:28 (UTC) - Expand

What? No way.

I've got game! I've got so much game. I just... well I thought that people- I mean, this is Murdercave, not season 83 of Big Brother!

Oh my god.

I've been spending so much time with Gren, hiding for my life... I lost sight of what was really important.

its ok

you can still change things you can fix your priorities

you can get your game back

i believe in you

Yeah... yeah, I've just gotta refocus is all. Switch from Low Budget Horror Sequel 3 to a funny, yet uplifting romantic comedy where the monsters are just distractions from my lovestruck goal.

Or a porno. Less effort that way, but I feel like that can fall back into horror too quickly.

if this ends with you fucking a monster im not taking any responsibility for it

You know I think I saw this one show once-

you know what, let's not go there.

Can we go back to talking about neon rocket condoms? That was a not-depressing part of this conversation.

im always down for a good neon rocket condom conversation

especially if it keeps you from making bad choices

So, how do the rockets factor in? I don't really think we should use jet propulsion anywhere near that kind of anatomy.

rocket shaped

rocket patterned??

Ooh, shaped, I like shaped. It can have little wings on the back part. And be like, red at the top and on the wings and silver everywhere else. Nice.

yeah and theyll be called

wait for it

pocket rockets

Oh my god.

That's it.

That's the million dollar idea. You and me, we're gonna make it big.

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