hadriel | two; video

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two; video

Hey! Guys! Did you know there are demons here?

[hey look it's connor with the best/worst sarcastic message for you today. many posts lately have been about demons and justifiably so but connor is a shitposter and he's back so hang on or hang up on him. (that's the better option lets all be honest with ourselves)]

Since we're all smart people who definitely aren't going outside to get possessed or die on the network -- seriously, please, stop doing that -- I figured we should at least pick a game to pass the time. You know, like being on a long road trip and playing "I Spy" or some shit.

[he starts to say something else but apparently thinks better of it, because he smiles instead and reconsiders his words]

No, actually, first - a bunch of you guys are sleeping together, right? But who isn't? The lack of having an app to prove we're all cute, single, available people is clearly an oversight. (Really, pong before tindr? Also, calling it now: please, spelunkr, make it happen.) Discuss among yourselves.

[but oh right the game he seems to only remember now that's where he started, and he's maybe a little tipsy but wouldnt you be if THERE WERE DEMONS and people were doing dumb things like getting almost killed or worse on the network]

Oh, yeah, the game. Hot or Not. Post a picture of yourself and other people rate it for hotness. Honestly I'm not even going to care if you post a picture of someone not yourself. Have at it, kids.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[the thirst is just a thin veneer of having it together on top of layers and layers of anxiety it is his primary coping method followed by alcohol]

I think we've definitively proved it looks good.

[ All your secrets are laid bare before Daredevil, Connor. It's anxiety episodes like that that have kept him from moving out all this time. ]

You and everyone else here seems to agree.

[ He laughs. Who doesn't need an ego boost in cave hell? ]

Don't you have a girlfriend or something back home? Women must trip over themselves on the way to you.

[#BrianMichaelBendis]

Oh, uh-- No, not really.

[ I mean, there was Claire but she dumped him (rightfully) and Karen, but she's too good for him (don't do it, Matt) and of course Elektra (car crash noises.) ]

No one serious, not... not recently.

Wow, is this like a thing?

[actually hold on we're roomies i dont have to spill all your secrets on the network hey buddy guess who is sitting on the couch next to you now]

What's the deal there?

[and also]

Do you want some vodka?

[the friend hes brought along with him]

[ Aw, Connor, coming to check in on your roomie, that's nice of you. Matt's just sitting on the couch, listening to his phone when Connor joins him. ]

Oh, I just... had a crazy ex. I haven't really dated seriously, since.

[ I mean is it too early for vodka? When is it ever? ]

She was... She was something else. [ He swallows, going very stiff. ] I try not to stay in relationships for too long, they never end well.

[straight people but whatever he gets back up, listening while he gets a glass and comes back, handing it over]

She doesn't know what she's missing out on.

[ Matt smiles. You're too nice Connor. I mean, part of it is probably because Matt is hot, but there's real concern in those words, Matt can tell. ]

Thanks. She had her good parts, she just... had a lot more bad ones.

[ You don't wanna know how dumb Matt got around Elektra, oh boy. ]

I don't think I'm cut out for dating, long-term.

[ More like "women shouldn't have to put up with me" but that's the self-loathing talking and that's what we have alcohol for. ]

["how dumb matt got" um hello would you like me to tell you a story about the child who apologized to his boyfriend when he found out his boyfriend deleted his once chance at getting away from murder club]

It can feel like that sometimes.

[he looks down at his vodka glass and is pretty quiet for a moment before finally blurting out, like he's confessing some deep dark secret:]

I have a boyfriend. Like a long-term boyfriend.

[ Shit, yeah, they're both broken bfs huh........... Matt nods, because it can feel like that sometimes. Most times, if you ask him. Normal people shouldn't have to date someone like him. ]

Oh?

[ That's... surprising? It's surprising that Connor hasn't brought him up before. Matt takes a sip of his vodka, turning to sort-of face Connor. ]

Back home, you mean?

Edited 2016-11-21 04:32 (UTC)

Yeah, back home.

[it's hard to talk about because it reminds him so much more of what he doesn't have. ollie was the only thing keeping him sane back home, and here...it's been, what? a month and a half now that he's been here?

honestly, he doesn't really want to cheat on oliver. he knows how bad he screwed up last time. he wants to be good and faithful and everything but things are just so hard here. and flirting is so easy and flirting lead to...well, other things he maybe wasn't prepared to say no to. he's never been good at resisting temptation. but it's even worse with everything that's happened both at home and here.

it makes him feel incredibly guilty. it kind of takes all the fun out of the shitposting to think about it. but oliver cant and wouldnt expect him to not have sex in some weird alternate dimension that didnt count right?

(if he could answer that question honestly it wouldn't eat on him as much)]

He's really great. I've never been with anyone as long as I've been with him.

[ There's that anxiety coming back in force, Matt already knows the signs after spending nearly a month under Connor's roof. He might be some random law student that offered him a place to stay after showing up here, but he's a good man and his issues from home make him shake so violently that Matt's going to have to ask one of these days.

He doesn't ask now, just stays steady for Connor and places a hand on his shoulder. Maybe without his senses he couldn't pick up on all the ways Connor's feeling scared and guilty but oops, super senses. ]

I'm guessing you didn't do relationships much before, either?

[connor laughs a little hollowly. that's what he'd always told people. those days were a lot simpler. back when he had innocence and youth and maybe even happiness. now he was a killer living in a murdercave. dang.]

Not really. I kind of always just wanted sex.

[and aiden but that was a different story]

[ Matt snorts. That... doesn't surprise him, I mean he made a Hot or Not post and suggest spelunkr. Matt won't judge. Sex is great.

He's probably going to regret asking this question, if Connor's anxiety is anything to go on. But he asks anyway. ]

So what made him different?

He's kind.

["normal" the adjective he's looking for is "normal." he polishes off the rest of his glass and sets it on the table. he's acutely aware that matt had decided to touch his shoulder just a moment ago.

but the truth is, while connor may think he believes what he says, he doesn't really. his heartbeat would speak the lie to matt just as true as any lie he knew he was telling. oliver had made some questionable decisions recently. the whole catfishing issue still sat wrong with him, not in a way he'd be able to articulate if pressed, but somewhere it was eating on him. somewhere, knowing how gung ho oliver was about wanting to get involved in all of the messed up shit annalise and friends do was eating on him.

what connor needs, more than anything, is for oliver to be kind. he needs oliver to be the person he's painted in his mind, the person who held him while he cried even though they weren't together. he's in love and clinging desperately to an idea of normalcy and that isn't quite what's happening between him and oliver but he refuses to let go. if anything, stray thoughts of that nature only make him dig in deeper. he has to be like that, he has to be good, i've seen it, i know it. it's necessity. it's the only way he can keep himself together.]

He's not like other men, I've never felt this way for anyone else. I want to go home at the end of the day and for him to be there, you know? It's not just the sex with him. I like the time we share.

[but matt can probably hear, too, what he doesn't say. he hasn't really described his personality or explained what they do, hasn't explained a stupid date or the way they work well in tandem or even that he can tell oliver anything and that oliver would listen. all that he's said is that he needs him there. that he needs someone to come home to.

connor doesn't see it. he refuses to feel it or acknowledge it or let any kind of doubt work its way in. if there's something wrong - isn't it his fault? his fault for cheating on oliver? his fault for being a murderer and being distant? if they cant have conversations isn't it because there's this great big awful thing that he's not telling him? how could it be oliver's? sweet, innocent, normal oliver who was kind enough to take him back after he'd fucked up, who was kind enough to be there when he'd fallen apart?]

Edited 2016-11-21 05:13 (UTC)

[ Yeah, that... doesn't tell him much at all, does it? The lies almost speak louder than the truth. So his boyfriend... isn't kind? But he's there for him. And Connor's never felt... what? Wanted? Never had anyone waiting for him at home, who'd spend time with him?

Of course Matt doesn't immediately assume that. That's a worst-case, and Connor may be an emotional wreck, but there's no reason to assume he's with his boyfriend for reasons besides the ones he's articulating now. Having that support is obviously important to him. Matt's not going to ask him for more than he's willing to share. ]

That sounds great.

[ Though to be honest, Connor could have just as easily been describing Matt's relationship with Foggy in college. Matt liked coming home to him, he'd never had a best friend or felt so close to anyone before, and they didn't have sex (haha.) It just sounds like there's nothing too immediately romantic about their relationship, but lots of people go on to marry their best friends. (Um, but not Matt tho, that's an important distinction to be making here.) ]

How long have the two of you been together?

Um, [he has to take a moment to try and consider this. they'd been together and then not and everything. and now it was] Maybe like four months? Five months? We've known each other longer, though. I messed up and things were bad for a bit.

[he picks up the empty glass off the table again just to busy his hands and like there might miraculously be more vodka but there isnt and he gets nothing for it. oh well. too much anxiety to be idle]

And now I'm here, so that's great. He could show up tomorrow and read all this shit and hate me or he could never show up and I could be stuck here for the rest of my life alone and celibate, waiting for him.

You must really care about him.

[ I mean, it's also driving Connor crazy, that much is clear. But Matt will go ahead and hand Connor the rest of his glass if it will help. Because vodka always helps. ]

Hey, don't sweat it. I doubt if he showed up tomorrow, he'd hate you for this. You're just trying to do something fun for everyone.

[ As for the celibacy thing, uh........ eggplant.emoji idk what to tell you, Connor. ]

Yeah, I do actually?

[connor told oliver he loved him that was a Pretty Big Deal. thanks for the vodka tho matt]

I don't know how we got here. [lets just the subject because feelings are dumb] Oh, right, because you said you didn't feel like -- okay, so the point is: if I can have a boyfriend, you can have a girlfriend.

[ Matt squeezes Connor's shoulder, comforting. ]

I appreciate the vote of confidence. Thanks, Connor.

[ And I'm playing closeted bi Matt so he's just gonna not correct you on the implication that he's only into girls the way you are only into guys. ]

And hey, if nothing else, you know Cashmere is down to fuck.

[did you really think this thread was going to be entirely feelings after the high of this post]

[ Lucky thing Matt isn't drinking right now because he would spit-take, thanks, Connor. ]

I, uh, yeah... [ Flustering. He's flustering. This is not how Matt Murdock talks about his possible dates. ] She sounds pretty great.

She mentioned she had some kind of fighting training?

How up to date are you on young adult literature pop culture references?

[ The fuck? ]

Uh... fairly? Ish? That's more Foggy's thing than mine, but I lived with him for a long time so I've picked up enough.

[ never ever repeat this conversation to anyone he is truly only telling you because this is in person ]

You know the Hunger Games?

Edited 2016-11-21 05:59 (UTC)

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