text

[morphinum]

alright I got a few things to say here


listen I have been nothing but fucking pleasant and ""agreeable"" and whatever to you people here but I for one am not going to sit back and fucking take red lights in the goddam sky of a CAVE honestly what bullshit is this

actually no this is not the worst of the bullshit and frankly losers when you're comparing bullshit you're in a pretty fucked up place. the Bullshit Games. what an excellent ring to it sheer fucking poetry

honestly you wormfucks have a Serious Problem with your sky because why the hell was snow falling out from fucking rocks alright rocks are not clouds. get your shit together. I cannot believe I am the one telling you asswipes to get your shit together but HONESTLY the complacency of you people makes me fucking sick. I am practically vomiting you freaks should be ashamed of yourselves. not to mention the fact that the toasters here don't even WORK PROPERLY all I wanted was some toast. some fucking toast. is that too much to ask I don't even want butter ok just some goddamn toast. slightly burned around the edges and JUST SO YOU KNOW the toaster problem is not My Fault I am a culinary fucking genius when it comes to toast my toast has a fucking toast level gradient president snow himself demands my fucking toast I am no toast plebeian and I will not settle for this

I cannot BELIEVE you all think that gods are running this place what are you twelve?? is everyone here secretly a child because I tell you what you're all acting like scared little pissbabies and I for one pride myself on an anti pissbaby policy

I did not win two shitass gladiator matches to get stuck in a cave and I will blow the roof off this place if I have to don't think I won't

SINCERELY, FUCK YOU

<3 johanna

Comments

Audio

[64th]

[ Cash is going to turn audio on here, just so Johanna knows she's being laughed at. ]

Maybe you're too stupid to use the toasters here.

[morphinum]

[ Johanna is not turning on audio, out of courtesy for Cashmere's poor speakers. ]

how much toast have you made here
honestly I'm surprised a Classy Disctrict One Gem such as yourself even knows what toast is. you're really slumming it, aren't you?

[64th]

I know what toast is. [ said more irritably than she really needed to. ]

I'm eating toast right now. [ no she's not. ] Cinnamon toast. It's really good.

[morphinum]

you're a really shitty liar. cinnamon toast isn't a real thing. it's cinnamon-sugar. know your toasts, asshole

text

[casperdisaster]

[Noah is almost afraid to comment here.]



Um

I made a little guide for working the toasters.

[morphinum]

finally someone who isn't completely incompetent
mind sharing your guide, or is it classified material? these toasters operate like a fucking government conspiracy

[casperdisaster]

[Noah's responses are actually fairly slow going. It's hard to use touchscreens with cold hands. Eventually he manages to get the little photo guide of using the toaster sent, where you have to press in order to get it to open up and reveal itself as a toaster and how to proceed from there.]

Me and another girl, Ashley, we're going to make a little guide about how to use the kitchen equipment. We're the kitchen club.

[dangerous_dog]

it will be ok

I can make you toast.

[morphinum]

[ Johanna spends a while staring at her phone furiously. ]

yeah I might have thrown my toaster against the wall?? it deserved it

[ ... ]

tks

[dangerous_dog]

there is soup now and a fire if you would like again

text

[pighead]

so are you gonna fight the cave itself or something? is that where you're going with this?

[morphinum]

damn straight. the entire fucking cave. those rocks better get scared because I am fresh out of patience mister

[pighead]

Make sure you film it. You wailing on the rocks set to some shitty EDM track would probably get like a million views.

[camouflage]

You could always put that anger to good use, instead of screaming about toast.

[morphinum]

The last time I did that I wound up in a torture chamber for months. I'm trying to redirect my anger into something safer.

Have you been doing anything productive

[camouflage]

What doesn't kill you etc.

I gather information, whatever I can. Wars are won before they're fought. It keeps me busy.

text

[cowardley]

I think believing some weirdo gods have kidnapped us is a little easier to digest when you take into account the crazy shit that happens here.

[morphinum]

what like the snow and the monsters?

that's regular gamemaker shit man

[cowardley]

You're obviously not talking about video game developers.

video

[imobouzu]

You do not believe in gods, Johana-dono?

[ This actual kid (ok, he's 16) is unfamiliar with her name, pardon the mistake. ]

[morphinum]

of course not I've got half a brain don't I

[ Sorry, she's not super charitable towards things she can't see, or entities that trap her in caves. ]

[imobouzu]

I am not certain I understand what you mean with that. The gods are everywhere, at least in Japan, and they clearly have them here as well.

text.

[fervence]

i didnt think about it but that is weird that it snowed underground isnt it

[honestly he probably stopped reading halfway through, sorry johanna.]

[morphinum]

exactly. how does that happen? there aren't any clouds here I'm calling bullshit on the snow

[fervence]

magic i guess
but thats a lot of magic to keep it snowing for so long

[magic they could have used on something a little more... useful?]